ashley

writings on the wall
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PropellerAds
2002-01-17 16:04:18 (UTC)

solution to my depression!

well, today i finally managed to find the cure to my
mood swings. my caffeine fix! it was bliss but i know that
it's not good for my health. heck, what is caffeine
compared to other stuff like coke or marijuana?

today is fine, compared to the days before this.
nobody pissed me off and the weather was really fine. so
hot and i wished that i could go sunbathing. it's been
almost forever since i last went. argh! i hate this place
so much, except for the MTVs, of course.

thought of the day: am i really THAT bad at
expressing myself? mom said that i am not the type that
show how i feel. she said that my bro is completely my
opposite. i was hurt. i didn't know that that was the
reason why she loves my bro more than she does me.

sometimes i think i try too hard to hide my feelings
but i do shed tears easily. maybe i should be an actress
instead. haha! mom said that i am way too sensitive but i
really can't help myself when the tears start flowing.
every time the dam breaks, i'll think of all the sad
things and then they won't stop.

i always tell myself that i should not trust anyone
except myself but everytime i start to fall for a guy, i
let my guard down. i think deep inside i really want to
open up to someone but just don't know how to start. if i
end up getting hurt everytime, i know that i'll never EVER
learn how to trust.


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