DJ MatrixX5
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2001-04-16 17:22:38 (UTC)

Monday, April 16th 2001

Dear Diary,
I started this diary today because I got really bored
and I need someone to talk to about my life. Spring Break
is almost over and I go back to school on thursday which
REALLY sucks. These past 9 days have went by SOO quickly.
Yesterday I told Jessica, my friend, that I liked her. And
I asked her if she liked me back but she said that she
liked me only as a friend. That's cool. I kinda was hoping
for her to say yes after all we've been through together.
There are a lot of things that we have in common and those
things sort of attract me to her. Though i have this other
secret...I'm gay. Or at least, i think I am. I'm kinda
still shakey about it because I dun really know how to deal
with it. There is this thing in school where if someone
acts really corny people usually say that they are gay.
Where did they get that from? I dunno. it's just something
that started a few years ago. Of course I don't say because
i think it's disrespectful, not just to me, but everyone. I
mean, if the person you are insulting isn't gay, you
shouldn't be calling him/her gay unless they really are. I
still have an attraction for girls but it's not as intense.
Am I bi? I don't think so. My attraction towards men is
much greater than my attraction towards women. I have
another problem also because my parents have a HUGe grudge
against gay people. And it's not just gays too, they're
racist over jewish people and black people. And if I tell
them that I am gay, there is a HUGE HUGE HUGE! chance that
they WILL kick me out of the house. And I'm only 14! i
guess i should just wait to come out to them until I'm like
in college. It'll be easier for me then. And my BIGGEST
problem is that i'm baptist and in my religion, it's not
bad to be gay but you're really not suppose to be. My
cousin thinks it's okay to be gay because she said that
liking a person of the same sex isn't bad. It's just
different and that's okay. And I agree with her. And I don't HAVE to
agree with her because I'm gay, but I mean, if i wasn't gay, i still
would agree with her. I wish MTV would show Real World New Orleans
again...Danny is so hot. SO is Dan from Road Rules Northern Trail.
Hmm..seems all Dans are hot. Hehe. Danny from RW9 is gay though. And
his parents didn't accept his sexuality at first, but they didn't
yell at him anything. That's probably giong to be different with my
parents because they're homophobic. ::sighs:: I dunno. I have to go
now. Cya!