jazdanzer2001

Hangin' By A Moment
2002-01-17 05:24:50 (UTC)

once again im still hanging by a moment.

JANUARY 16, 2002-8 DAYS IN COUNTING TILL 'HE' RETURNS
well ok so its going to take me awhile to get this journal
thing up and running. i have so much to say and get out
there but it would take me about 10 years to type it all
out. so ill start out slow. so theres a couple of things
really eating at me right now. 1) im not happy with my
current lifestyle and my situation with that and 2) all i
have been able to think about these past couple of days is
andrew!! ugh. im going to start, actually, by writing about
andrew since thats really bothering me as of recently. so
he totally calls me all the time, tells me he wants to come
visit me, tells me how badly he wants to see me, calls me
baby and babe after every time we talk. hes perfect. hes
from brooklyn, goes to school not too far from temple and
of course he has the sexy nyc accent. hes definitely the
cutest thing ever. but problem-when mr. brooklyn left for
spain this past monday, he totally was talking about when
he got back. and i asked him what he planned on doing
before he went back to school b/c he doesnt go back until
the 28th, and he replied by saying that his "girlfriend"
was planning on coming up to see him. um HELLO. what the
hell is that all about. is he referring to me, after all we
had talked about me going up there and we had totally
arranged for me and jess to stay at his apartment. im
totally confused. i didnt ask any questions, which was
stupid. the one time i should have opened my big mouth and
i didnt, i didnt ask any questions, what was i thinking?!?
so he told me he would call me when he got back from spain
and ended the convo with a 'bye babe' like always. ok so i
was hurt but more confused. so after work i called the one
and only leif to get some advice. he said if there is
another girl obviously hes not interested b/c he has put so
much time in with me. he wanted to spend new years with me,
obviously he wasnt interested in this other girl. (if there
is one) on this past sunday he was planning on stopping in
philly on his way back to nyc from dc. so whats going on?
so then leif says, that there probably isnt another girl
and that andrew is probably referring to me. but with guys
these days u never know. anything is possible. i mean this
is still really new so i cant say anything and we never
said we were together after all ive see him a total of an
hour since we met. which is weird but we connected the
first time our eyes met. crazy i kno. so once again my
heart is in the end zone being fumbled around, im so lost
and confused.

desperate for changing. starving for truth. closer to where
i started chasing after you.




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