AnGeLbAbiE

Cooties, HappyMeals, & One Size Fits All
2002-01-17 01:56:26 (UTC)

Being Happy Again...

Today is the first time since The Break Up that I have
truly been happy...Holly kept telling me all this time
to "give it to God" and try to become happy as a single
person and that if I do that, I'll be OK...I guess it was
just one of those things you can't force yourself into
because when I first tried it, I just wasn't ready yet...I
think everyone goes through a time when they have just lost
someone that they want to fix it themselves, and think the
only way they can be happy is if THEY find a way to make
themselves happy...its just part of the grieving process I
think...it happens to everyone, and I was totally aware of
it while I was in it...I just couldn't make myself stop
and "give it to God"...it just wasn't time yet. Well last
night, I was looking at my friend Macy's AOL profile...I've
read this Bible verse a million times on there but it
didn't really have a big effect on me until last night...

Phillipians 3:13
"...moreover, one thing I do...forgetting ALL that is
behind, and striving myself to reach all that is ahead..."

Is that not AWESOME???
It just totally changed my whole perspective on it
all...everything all of a sudden seemed so...simple...I
needed (and wanted more than ANYTHING) to forgive Ben for
what he did, and stop trying to fix things...and just stop
dwelling on the past and "GIVE IT TO GOD"!! I talked to
God about it right after it happened...I asked that He
would give me the strength to "forgive and forget" and that
I could have a strong friendship with Ben again, and that I
wouldn't let myself fall for him again unless that was HIS
will for me...I asked that I would have the strength to be
nice even to people I don't like, like Ashley...she's just
not my favorite person, but I want to be nice to her and I
want to stop myself and my friends when we are jokin on her
behind her back and saying mean things about her...I just
want to learn to tolerate her and her friends, and get to
the point where I can smile and maybe even talk to them
politely....I asked that I would have the strength to look
at Ben and Ashley together and be HAPPY for them because
they have each other and might just be meant to be together
since they keep coming back to each other...if I were her,
and I'd found someone I was supposed to be with, I would
NOT want someone interfering or talking about me...I
just...asked that I can just have the strength to be a
HAPPY SINGLE PERSON!!!!!! As soon as I was done talkin to
God I felt like everything had been lifted off of me and
like I was....free from everything that had been hurting
me...I felt like everything was gonna be OK if I could just
have him as my friend again and could stay single and happy
for as long as I need to be...and I am happy...the happiest
I've been in awhile...today I got to 1st period and as soon
as I saw him I just smiled at him and we talked a lil bit
and he borrowed my chemistry notes and when he gave em back
he had wrote a note on there sayin he was so sorry, even if
I didn't believe that, he really was and wanted me to
forgive him, but if I couldn't, that he would
understand...I wrote him a note back saying that I forgave
him, and that I wanted to just...forget about it all and be
friends again because that's why I've been so unhappy, is I
didn't have him as my friend, and if I had that, I would be
happy again...and I told him that if he was happy with
Ashley, I was happy for him, and I told him they are very
*cute* together because they are just so happy with each
other...he read it and was like "cool." and things are
awesome now because we're friends again...

I want to tell ya about this website I found talkin about
how some people are so unhappy being single, and how you
can find the right person and all, but I'm soooo tired of
writing so I'm jus gonna put the link on here and you can
go to it ok? I dunno if u'll be able to click on it, so if
u can't, just copy paste it on the lil...bar thingy or w/e
haha...hope u like it, it helped me a lot...

http://www.bible.com/answers/achoosin.html

Well I gg....I'll write more tomorrow maybe!!

~*~Ashley~*~

"...cast your burden upon the LORD, and HE will sustain
you!" ((Psalm 55:22))




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