2002-01-16 21:04:55 (UTC)

next day

Well snows here, and that doesnt seem to mean a damn thing
to me. All I did today is write, thats all I could do, im
like breaking down inside. I feel so dead within. She didnt
talk to me today at the bench and then I have to run after
her to talk to her, and then she says she doenst know what
I was talking about, like she didnt say she still has
feelings for me, and I CANT TAKE IT. It hurts so bad, why
is she doing this to me, she wasnt the person today that
she was on the phone last night, she wasnt the girl I love,
then who is? I wish I had somebody close that could just
tell her what I think, but nooooo..of coarse not. Im like
her toy that she does WHATEVER she wants with, its not
fair. For the first time in so long I was happy yesterday,
adn I miss that even now, when it was so short of a time
ago, I was happy and you dont know how good that felt. I
cant take it, I love her and its not fair, she cant just
lead me on and then hurt me like this, and in such a short
time distance. It hurts so bad..........and I cant stop
crying now. Tears running down my face, why does she do
this to me? WHY? She knew this would hurt me, adn she did
it anyway. What did I do to deserve this??? Im still by
myself, all alone, nobody wants a guy who is just all sad
and a ass hole, I must be. I put on smiles all day,
nomatter how much it hurt I put them on, and nobody seemed
to notice, yesterday I didnt have to pretend, I was happy.
I hate everything, I hate people, people cause pain, people
cause suffering, people dont care! What good is left in
this world, god the last time I asked that you gave me
nikki, now give me some kind of hope, because nikkis faded
and nothings real anymore. I just want someone to help me