r3j3ct

question marked innocense
2002-01-16 20:39:48 (UTC)

~*~*~*~*~HoLlY~*~*~*~*~

Ok yah last nite I was talking to my friend Holly -sigh-
Holly just happens to be like one of the biggest posers I
know. She tries so hard to be different that she just ends
up like everyone else. It pisses me off so much. Her big
thing is she likes to complain about how much her parents
suck and how badly they treat her but god, maybe if she
wasnt such a bitch to them they'd actual treat her with
some respect. Another thing is she was talking my friend
Katie and she was telling her how she red this article
about a girl with bi-polar depression and she was like wow
thats like my life right there. And that got me overly
pissed off. Like I have problems with depression and I have
friends who have problems with it to. So any ways I was
talking to her and shes like "whats up?" I'm like "....
Whats up with you? Gonna bitch about how bad your parents
are? or are you gonna read another article and decide that
thats like your life to?" and shes like "Whats with the
hostility?" and I'm like "YOU! you bitch about your parents
and how bad they treat you but maybe if you werent such a
bitch to them and if you were actually nice to them they
wouldnt be so mean, and this bi-polar depression shit, umm
yah thats bullshit and we both know it" and then she didnt
say anything for a really long time and then after like 15
minutes shes all like "Did it ever occur to you that I have
tried to be nice? That I've regretted things that I've
said? And I never said I had bi-polar depression but if I
did then it might explain a lot of the problems that I
have" And I'm like "What problems? Whats so wrong in your
life that you think you have bi-polar depression? Do you
even know what it is? Do you even know what its like?" and
then she didnt say any thing for a long time and then I'm
like "With depression your either super duper happy or I
want to kill myself bad. Theres never ok. Depression is
wakeing up in the morning and just wanting to go back to
sleep. Its when your tired of having people constantly say
shit behind your back and even to your face, its been sick
and fucking tired of people throwing shit at you. Its lying
to your friends cause you don't want them to know how
screwed up you really are. Its looking at your arm and
being able to see scar after scar of cuts, cause the
physical pain is easier to deal with then the emotional
pain that you feel. Its just wanting to die cause being
dead would be so much better then anything you have to face
out there. It's looking in the mirror and hating you are,
who you use to be and even worse what you may become. And
its finally being happy and then finding one tiny tiny
thing wrong with something and then falling into a full
blown depressive state. After that msn fucked up and she
couldnt send me ne messages so she emailed me, I havent
gotten around to emailing her back, I'm not even sure I
want to, Im sick and fucking tired of her overdramatic
bullshit.
************************************************************
( I wrote this yesterday, it's about mine and my once
bestfriends relationship)

The Knife

You lie to me and say its alright
You look in my eyes and say you care
And with every word that comes out of your mouth
You twist that knife in my heart more and more.
The knife that you put there.
You twist until the pain becomes unbearable
Till the hurt becomes constant
Till you know I cant take any more.
Then you ease it out alittle,
And tell me you're sorry
And I stupidly believe you.
And then just at the right moment,
You plunge the knife right back in
And twist and twist some more.
And the sad thing is I'd let you
Do it over and over again,
If it ment hearing you say
you care about me.




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