DayDream Believer
2002-01-16 19:55:19 (UTC)

Not god at all

So here Im,its wedensday, the day I had my big test.
It diddnt went verry well, of course it diddt, I had
allmost not been reading for it cause I was so messed up of
all this with Stian.

I have been avoiding him until today bacause I neede time
to study for that test, but all I ever could think about
was him.

Yesterday I was sleeping allmost all day and night - it
felt god to escape from my self for a little while.
I did somthing tho, before I went to bed.
I went on top and my wardobe and tok down a teddy bear and
put it back to my bed. It used to be there some mounths
ago, for a week or so, before I took in on top of my
wardrobe. (pleace dont think Im all messed up and now also
has started to behave like a child, cause...)
The taddy bear is not a usal teddy bear, like thouse you
win in funfair`s or amusment park`s.
I got if for my birthday from S*.
So It felt good just to lie there in my bed, and when I
could`nt have his arms around me at lest I had something
from him.
It was a really sweet present I think, Im really glad I got
it. I remember that day as if it where yesteday, it was one
of the best in my life!!
He got me this big Winnie The Pooh teddy bear,a cd of songs
that he liked and a nice card.
I diddnt even expect to get anything from him, I was away
on a vacation and callled my mother to ask how thing where
at home whan she said there was this big present waiting
for me at home from S*.
The rest of my vacation I was really curius and tense to
get home and open it.
When I got home it was the day before my birthday, we
talked in the phone but I diddnt open it until my birthday.
Cant belive how I made it, I think I had been shaking the
box a million time trying to figure out what was inside it.
I loved the present, but Im to old to have a teddy bear in
my bed -exept from yesterday.

I just wanted to tell this so you guys would understand
that he`s real sweet to me - or at lest used to be.
But I was the first one to get mean I think, I diddt mean
to, I was just scared.
Im doing everything to fix it, but maybe it cant be fixed.
Right now Im also trying to talk to him, but he wont
answer, maybe he`s not there.
His nick is in the list in the chat room, but he might not
be there at all, he might be in his living room wacthing
movies with his friens.
I dont think he would avoid me like that, why should he?
Well, I think Im getting a bit paranoid now, so I`ll better
logg off and do some homework instead.