some guy

Who Cares?
2002-01-16 16:28:23 (UTC)

dunno

I dunno what I'm feeling at the moment. I know I'm pissed
off and I guess I know why, but I don't know why I put up
with it if ya know what I mean. I'm pissed off cos of my
girlfirend. She keeps trying to trick me into saying things
wrong. What I mean is, for example, the other day she asked
if I'd spoken to anyone and I said no cos I hadn't really.
I'd sent a couple of text messages to a friend but that was
about it. Later that evening I mentioned something this guy
had said in one of the messages and she got all arsey and
said that I'd said I hadn't spoken to anyone and she felt
like I was lying to her all the time. Fuck me, so she needs
to know every single detail of what I've done. That or I
just don't talk to her at all. Not only that but she's been
reading the text messages in my phone (and no doubt seeing
who I call, not that I call anybody). So I asked if she
trusts me and she said she finds it hard to trust anybody
and that she believes what I tell her but that I've been
lying to her. Fuck me. I bet if her ex told her this stuff
she'd believe every word he says but when it comes from me -
the person she claims to love - it means shit.
After she'd said this stuff to me I asked her if she still
loved me and she said yes so I asked her if she thought
trust was a big part of loving someone and she said yes
again so I asked her if she really does love me if she
can't trust me. She went quiet for a bit and said yes
again. Go figure.
So that's why I'm pissed off, as for why I put up with
it??? Who fucking knows. I guess because I don't want her
to not be around. As much as she makes me feel like this,
when we're together and happy it feels really good and I
guess that's the reason.
Weekend was kinda ok though (although it was a major
arguing point). I went to visit my friend (yes, my one
remaining friend) and we went out for a couple of beers.
Unfortunately the car I drove there in broke down and it
took me the whole of the next day to get back, after trying
to fix it then calling out a mechanic who was shit then
getting my dad to come tow me home. What with all this
going on I forgot to call her. I had tried in the morning
and she wasnt answering her phone so I sent her a message.
Then another, and another. Finally she replies. This
continued throughout the day so I think everything is fine.
She then seems really pissed off at me so I tried to call
but she kept cutting me off. What the fuck am I supposed to
think then? She didn't let me know why although I asked and
then my battery was running low and I needed to be able to
speak to my dad to give him directions to where I was. I
get back and she's pissed off at me. She asks if the
weekend was good I say it was OK, I ask her she says about
the same. She was clearly pissed off with me and didn't
want to talk to me so I went to bed. She tells me later
she's pissed cos I didn't phone (a year or so back she's in
a car crash. does she call me? Does she fuck! She calls a
guy I hate instead and tells him. When does she tell me?
She doesn't It just happens that my mate is in the same pub
I was in having a work meeting (nice place for a meeting)
and he tells me - Great!!) and that when I got in I didn't
seem to want to tell her about the weekend, although I'd
probably said more to her than she had to me. This chick
doesn't seem to realise what she does. It's like if I do
something then it's bad and she gets pissed off but if she
does the same or even worse then it's not an issue, it's
totally alright. I said I felt that I can't win and she
said that I lie to her. Fucking hell, what is a guy
supposed to do. Oh, I know, a guy is supposed to be
the 'understanding friend' who is just waiting in the wings
for the boyfriend to fuck up and then be the shoulder to
cry on. Works for her ex so why shouldn't it work of anyone
else?


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