Christine

Visions Of Life
2002-01-16 14:32:37 (UTC)

Why Do Horror Novels Bring Me Peace?

Why does my decision to LIVE bring me to tears? Why does the
idea of being needed scare the shit out of me? Why does the
untold future depress me more than the past? Why does chaos
soothe my nerves? Why do I even ask such questions?

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-The pain is no longer enough. I need something which is
un-namable but most likely within my grasp.

**Today Is The Day In Which The Statuses Must End**

Relationship Status:

I want to leave all the pieces alone for right now. No
dating. None of that bullshit. I just want to be alone for
right now. I do not need a partner at this present time. The
past few weeks have been.. interesting... The only thing I
regret is i may have hurt one of my new friends in the
process of my almost self destruction. If you are reading
this, Im sorry. I just wasnt ready to be your goddess.

Cutting Status:

*cringes* Why in the hell did I even give birth to this
monstrosity?

Although I cannot say that the urge has diminished, I can
assure you that, because the outcome wasnt as pleasant and
fullfilling as I remember, I will never again travel that
road..

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Now With Those Out Of The Way,I Can Focus On More Personal
Issues..

#1- Earlier this week, I was discussing my life purpose with
a friend. I said that I didnt have a purpose and if I did, I
already had fullfilled it so it was okay for me to pass on
to the next life. He disagreed. Without going into
specifics, he felt that my purpose might be to help and
advise others. Of course, given my current state of
negativity, I thought that was all bullshit. But now that I
am a bit more positive, I can actually realize that alot of
people come to me for advice so there is truth to what he is
saying..

**Maybe I Should Become A Shrink.. Im Crazy And A Good
Listener.. Perfect Combination**

#2- I am way to hard on myself.. Although I am a goddess and
deserve to be worshipped..lol.. years of being critisized
and insulted by people I love(aka my parents) has made it
hard for me to find anything positive about myself. I can
see the good in almost everyone, even republicans..lol.. but
looking in the mirror, I see only a monster worthy of death.
Hmm... I think I need to work on that..