Realizations of a 24yr old convict
2002-01-16 11:21:39 (UTC)


What to write, I feel I owe you somthing.But what to say
Oh you fucking girls your way to much. I hate to think how
corprate the world would be and how fast cars would go if
you wernt here to distract my gender.
Mabe I get more from you than the other dudes I know.
I dont know.
Lifes back at full speed though working like a dog.
Hate work now. You know everyperson chooses there own fate
and where they stand in this world and I live by that and
mabe I sleep better or mabe thats just some falsehood I
hang on to have some comfort for my actions.You know
justifying things to my conscience. But I really do belive
it and I hold it to be one of the few truths so now I gota
live it. Theres some DR dre song or some shit and hes
like "fuck rap give me one more platinum album and you can
have it back." Thats my work, I aint happy there went
there showed some motherfuckers whats really happening and
how a real mother fuckers gets down. They cant swing it
fuck em. Id sendem to the fucking bread line if it was my
shot to call but it aint and things arnt changing at a pace
the sooths me and as a man I can no longer particiapte and
feel good about who I am. Cant sleep good cant kiss girly
with a straight face cant be who I am with that shit
hanging over my head. So fuckem monday Im out. Back to
school catch these mother fuckers for a few hours here or
there so at least Im still working but I wont have my name
on that mess or be in anyway responcibale for any of it.
Oh panio men by billy joel just crept on to the stero and
Ive got this faint image of blondie singing it.Shes fucking
stunning dont ask me why well I could actully go into great
detial about little things she does that make me happy.
Its the little things that count. But its really just
I feel good with her. Not right we miss somtimes its off
everythings off for a breif moment but you know thats what
makes it so great. Fucking train if thought now leading to
her I got this yesterday. In the middle of some peace full
discussion "The one you couldnt walk away from WHAT THE
FUCK IS THAT!!!" Shed oviously put some thought into this
And before anyone starts thinking Im a dick cause this girl
cares about me to spend time thinking about some
conversaton we had and was ovisouly jelious Welcome to the
club Im the same with her and we both know it. and we know
it dont work with us been there spun that.Good times and
she is my girl but hey thats life eh..
So hence a blondie conversation was to insue and thats bad
cause no matter how much Im liking her I just spent a half
a page in conversation with yall about her. And shes
creeping on me over a salad or the slice of cheese cake.
Now I gotta spend time actully in deep though about her
anilizing shit. It was good though you know it was!!
what do I want from her nothing. Nothing at all I realized
I just wanna be in her life I guess.Heres who she became
not the one I couldnt walk away from. She became the real
one shes so godamm real and I love that about her.
And Im not scared to see bad points about her not afraid to
catch her at a bad time. I catch her sometimes hair all
fluffy looking tired thats her thats who I wanna know
Shes so fucking beautiful those days, just fucking real.
I dont really claim anyone out here If the cali honeys were
here Id down play anyone out here except a very select few.
But not this one fuck bring her ass in a pair of sweats
and some wal- mart panties and I wouldnt hesitate to say
thats my friend thats my girl.
How come dont know dont even know her really I know shes a
hard one to call Sweet Sausy tuff as she acts somtimes
indiffrent I think everyone becomes that way at some point
some self preservation technic we learn. Heres the only
guess Ill make I bet she only crys alone. All of a sudden
that sounds like a tuff life. Dont know though like I said
dont know athing about her.
Ok wild world by cat stevens started playing If you dont
know the song its a pretty tuff one it self so Its time to
move on. You know I wouldnt change a thing been out 16
months I guess miss cali. miss some of the lives I lived
there you know I wasnt always on convict status used to
have qiute a few lives that did revolve around it at all.
I guess they just never really fit in this jornal.
Good lives where everyone would have never tought i would
wind up in prision I guess it goes back to cry protrait.
They only see what you let em. I guess we all just kinda
want some one who can see the whole thing.
I got danny though and even though she dont know the half
of it she seems the closest to me.Love you kid
Fuck cant wait for school to start. Onslought of new people
to speak with and look at and get a glimpse into there
insight. Fuck life is so good.
If your life doesnt sound like a tragic one you aint lived.

Anyways I gotta get some fucking sleep.
With love and respect

PS if your reading this and your young please dont shoot
for the tragic life thing. Cause itll find you with out
your help and when it hits it dont care if youve already
got problems of your own.