The Shadow of Myself
2002-01-15 23:40:41 (UTC)

if you turn around.. I'll be there

I think it's safe to say the I'm glad that I was honest
with him. It's kinda crazy... b/c he said (in a nutshell)
that now really isn't a good time for him. (kinda like
this one song that a group I know plays..
called.. "maybe") He feels like a girl would prevent him
from doing what he wants to do alone right now. I think
that is incredible. I have so much respect for him.. like
even more than I did previous to finding this out.

What is even more weird.. is that I'm excited to be
waiting. I feel like no matter how things turn out this is
worth my time and all the feeling that I put into it.
Which I'm sure is going to be a lot. (I'm like that.) It
doesn't bother me at all to know that he isn't ready at
this moment. I can't believe I'm ok with that. I suppose
it's b/c I know we can talk... and that we'll get to know
each other even better. And that to me is the most
important thing. Melinda and I were talking (again) and
she was telling me about this thing that she read in
english class on friendship. It was addressing how
friendship is like no other bond. It's just so amazing b/c
you get to know the person's spirit and nothing else
matters to you. I mean.. I guess we all know that if we
have friends.. but still I like hearing that. It's just..
wow. It's what I want.

So I guess now what I want to do.. is to continue to be
open with him... and to let him know that I'm here for
whatever. I don't at all want to get in the way of what he
wants to do.. or stop him from going where he wants to go.
I just wanna be like.. in the background watching. So he
can look over at me sometimes if he wants to. Then..
wherever this goes.. it'll be there. I'm not gonna stop
it. It's always been in God's hands.. but it is even more
so now.. b/c I have cut all the strands that I was holding
onto myself. God has all of them now. So why worry?
Either way I know it's gonna be amazing b/c God doesn't
make not amazing things. :)


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