The Shadow of Myself
2002-01-15 03:46:16 (UTC)

a cup of stress...

Yeah.. well you know what I did? I emailed him. (the guy
who knows who he is that I can't name b/c well that's not a
nice thing to do.) Anyway... yeah I emailed him and told
him a lot A LOT of what I was thinking. Now I'm scared..
b/c I have nothing to do but what for his reaction. No
matter what it is.. it's gonna have an impact on me..
probably him as well. Sometimes I wonder why I do the
things I do. And why I do them certain ways.. b/c to
myself I'm very predictable.. but I pretend I suprise
myself. Does that make sense?

Anyway.. I'm trying to not think about all this. I'm just
out there.. like a big part of me. I'm waiting to hear
what someone thinks about a very true part of me that not
everyone.. well that not most people know about me. Not
only is this huge b/c well it's probably the first time
that I've ever been that open with a guy about all of
that.. but just b/c it's going to have a large impact on
whether I'm able to do it again. Geez.. it's taken me over
18 years to get up enough courage to do this. I mean.. I
have spent that long evolving into who I am.

Ok.. so I don't really want to talk about this right now.
I've been thinking about it enough. What I'm gonna do now
is go play my guitar. That would be super.. yeah.. thanks.