BabyKate

All About Me
2002-01-15 02:53:16 (UTC)

The Exes of the Past

Well, lately ive been talkin to alot of my exes. Its odd
how they fall into two catagories. It depends as 2 when i
dated them which school they went to of course, and
because of the school their personalities are soo
different.
Either way, ive been talkin to Ben alot. Its odd. I mean
this is the guy that i lost it 2... ive always loved him,
yet at the same time, i almost hated him for being so far
away. I mean we all know the long distance thing does not
work. Well the first time was seriously like out of a
movie. It was perfect... god those were the times. When
sex was actually speical huh? okay mabye it wasnt really
that speical, but it was really memorable. All the rose
pedals... gees i still have some of them! how sad huh?
anyways, ive been talkin to him alot more lately. And its
amazing how much he has changed! This is the first guy i
ever loved, and still love, he has that special part of
you that you cant describe!... and its odd to think of him
differnetly than how i remember him. I mean the pictures
of us together, seem like forever ago, yet just
yesterday.Well either way, he has moved on of course, and
has met this girl, who hesbeen with for almost two years.
I am totally blown away by this, but im soo happy for
him. It seems odd i know, that i am happy for someone who
stole my heart and broke it simutanously. But thats okay.
Then lately ive also been talkin to Mike. Mike however,
has not changed one bit. He used to be like my best
friend, yea, and he made a great boyfriend, except we both
cheated constantly on eachother. What a shame huh? waste
a perfectly good relationship, you might say, yet i look
at it as not wasting it but realising it wasnt ever meant
to be. He still hasnt found anyone and probably wont for
a long time. He still loves to fool around with everyone,
and treasures the fact that he can get just about every
girl. Its a shame, because i know one day he is going to
wake up and realize that he passed up the greatest girl
ever, and no im not talkin about myself. I am just saying
in general, there is gonna be one girl who really spoke to
him and i know hell blow her off, becuase he does that
with everyone. Its a shame he can be such an asshole!
dumb bastard!
Then again ive also been talkin to Andrew. Hes only
gotten hornier. Yet if i do remember right, he was always
pretty touchy feely. And i do recall thats the only
reason i broke up with him. To bad for him, it could of
been good. yet what is odd, is im constantly paired up
with him in piano. It was quite ackward at first one time
something clicked, and i almost thought i saw the same
spark in his eye i had several years earlier. To imagine,
that he has barely changed in appearance, and as i walked
him to his car after a practice together, i spotted the
spot where i my first kiss happened. Imagining it as i
closed my eyes, it was kinda scary. For he was there, and
i almost had the urge to pull him back to the spot. Yet
we all know, that could never happen. Andrew is happy
being Andrew, and i should be happy being Katy, the
individual, the one who doesnt need a guy, correct,
correct.
Then theres Matt, hes changed in every way, except in his
sweetness. He is still the same caring guy that i knew
when i was with him, and is still the sarcastic guy who
will never quit with sailing. Although, you never think
it will happen, but he randomly appeared in my life again,
but dating my best friend, Amanda. How odd, yet i didnt
meantion it to her, until after she too realized that he
is somewhat immature, and way to detecated to sailing to
be worth the effort. Poor her, mabye i should of warned
her, yet the time spent seeing her soo happy, and seing
him period was almost worth it. I dont think she cried
over him, although im sure he cried, if not over her then
over me, for the details of our breakup are kept quite
secret, and seeing him just brought up raw emotions that
streamed down my cheeks late at nite, while laying up in
bed, thinking and staring blatently at a wall.
I agree it does seem odd that ive suddenly grown intrest
in all of them again, mabye it is because i want to know
is it truly me who has the commitment problem! and as ive
slowly discovered in 85% of the relationships ive had it
has been me! How horrible, to decieve myself over these
years to believe that no, i have no problems, i am
perfect, yet perfection is in the eye of the beholder...
or mabye in the eye of the beheld.




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