jonesenstein

10-22-01

Monday, October 22, 2001
I was thinking this weekend that my life has pretty
much fallen into place without me doing much thought. I
mean, I have a lot of options, and a lot of things can
still change, but overall I think my life right now is
pretty much what it is gonna be like forever.
I have Lindsay, who (I never thought I’d say this)
I will always have, I have school, which I will always be
attending, I have Harris who will always be my best friend,
and I have a job that I don’t really like going to, which I
don’t think I ever will.
I thought of that last paragraph while watching
Office Space last night. I know I want to do some Jed Jr.,
and I know it would probably go over quite well with the
comic audience if I could get through about 10-15 issues,
but I’m not sure I would be happy doing that. I’m not sure
I’d be happy teaching, I’m not sure if I’d be happy
directing porn (not a real option, but everyone needs a
secret lil dream). I just think that no matter what
profession I choose, I will always think that I have chosen
the wrong one. So I have to drudge through it and be
content with the other part of my life.
What else is there? Lindsay and Harris and
family.
I got a letter from Marvel today asking me to ink
some sample pages for them. I don’t know when I’m gonna
find time to do it, but I think if I just set my mind to
it, I could be inking by the summer. That’d be cool. Heh
Anyway, I should get going. I have a lot more to
do tonight.
No, not really, but I wanna get what I have to do
out of the way so I won’t have to do it anymore. Get it?
No?
Fine. Go fuck yourself hippie.
….
I’m back for a bit of a second round.
More like a second round of drinks than a second
round of punches, but the analogy works the same.
This whole thing was made to document my changes
throughout my 2 senior years at MSU. And while its all
nice and good that I try to notice these changes and how
these changes affect the lives of others around me. It’s
just gotten to be too much. I mean, I have to notice how
every little detail affects every other little detail in my
life and in the lives of others and then I remember that
whenever you observe something, that something is changed
intrinsically by the observation and… It’s just too much.
So here’s what I decided and it seems to make a lot
more sense. It’s also applicable to other parts of the
book as well:
In order to see how I’ve changed, you have to
notice what I’m not writing. You have to notice how my
vocabulary changes, how my allegories change, what I talk
about, what I focus on as the yeas go by… things like
that. You have to notice little things, and then, by the
end, you will have noticed (maybe) that I am a better
person at the last page than I was at the first page.
I think what I’m saying is that lately I have been
thinking about myself way to much. I have been thinking
about what routine would most effectively get me through
the day. I’ve been thinking about what profession would I
like that would best suit the person I want to be. I’ve
been thinking about things that don’t really pertain to me
at all, jus the person I want to be.
The problem is, like I said before, if I keep
observing my changes into the person I want to be, I won’t
be the person I want to be, I will have changed into
something else because I observed myself.
So, from now on, only things that don’t talk about
me changing or getting a new life philosophy will be spoken
of.
That and cookies and sex.