PunkSparkle

It's Like I'm Paranoid, Lookin Over My Back...

First, before I get into all my philisophical bullshit,
I'll mention the Battle of the Bands that was held on
Saturday night at Somersworth High School... and one of the
best, most impressive- sounding bands there was, of course,
the newly named Pick On The Dead Kid, which consists of Jon
on bass, Jacob singing, Dustin and Bill playing guitar, and
Jesse the Psycho pounding the skins.
I had never heard them before since I'd never made it to
any of their practices, but I was absolutely astounded by
how wonderful they all were. I'd heard Jon play before, of
course, but he surpassed himself that night and I had NEVER
heard Jacob sing with that much emotion before.
Afterwards, myself, Bob, Mike, Kat, Jon, Allie, Jacob,
Sara, Jess, Robin, Brian, Brian, Bill, and Picard went to
Bick's, after which we parted ways, with Bri, Bob, Bill,
and Picard coming with me. We dropped off Bill, and after a
little time at my house, Picard and Bri went back to York.
Mike stayed with Kat, leaving me and Bob alone to stay up
late and talk and snuggle.
Yesterday consisted of: SLEEP.
Yes, that's right... between 4 am yesterday morning when i
fell asleep to when I got up for work this morning at 6 am,
I was awake for maybe 2 hours total, the whole day.
Today consisted of: WORK and some wierd thoughts.
Okay, so I was standing there, lost in my stupid Mandy
mind, blocking out EIGHTEEN MILLION BILLION GASZILLION Pink
Floyd screens, when it suddenly occured to me that this
time frame, right now, is the happiest I have ever been
that I can remember. My family is doing well, there's my
new little niece or nephew to look forward to, my friends
are (mostly) all happy, I'm in no disputes with anyone,
we're all getting along, I love my job, I'm feeling better
physically, I'm with a man who I love more than anything
and who loves me just as much, and we're already planning
for our future... This is Bliss, indeed.
But in my experiences (yes, all 18 1/2 years of them), I
have learned not to expect much out of life unless it's
something you don't want... and this is all I ever wanted,
and none of what I didn't.
I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for this golden
covering on my life to scratch away and be copper and
tarnish... my grandfather will die in surgery next week, my
sister will lose her baby, all my friends will start hating
me (like that has never happened before...) and each other,
I'll lose my job, find out I have lung cancer, Bob will
break up with me and my house will burn down...
Go on, laugh all you want. Such things have happened to
me before when I trust life too much, and let myself coast
along on a nice calm wave such as this. But this time I'm
waiting, knowing it will happen, and watching for it... but
can one ever really ready oneself for having the entire
world crash down?
Half of me wants to have faith that things will work out
for once... but I'm a realist. Things have never stayed
this wonderful for me in the past, so it would be downright
foolish, not to mention against my nature, to assume they
would now. Why should they? What have I ever done in life,
aside from doing whatever I can for others, that should
make me deserving of happiness?
On the other hand- what have I ever done that was so
terrible that I should be miserable for the rest of my
life, and simply teased with happiness for a short time? I
have I ever done any worse than anyone else has, in one way
or another? Maybe I have.
Or, maybe I should simply stay aware that yet another punch
in the face will eventually come, and not actually look for
it, because then I might see it when it isn't there. Seek
and ye shall find...
I'll enjoy what I have while I have it. I just hope life
crashes on me lightly this time, because I don't think I
could handle again what happened to me last May...
Oh well, I know what you're all thinking, so I'll say it
for you: "shut up, Mandy... life sucks, deal with it."
Ok. I can do that.
**Sparkle**

Music: Blessid Union of Souls- Brother, My Brother
Quote of the Day: "Mandy, just tell Jason next time he asks
how to get a girl, 'you have to look like THAT!'"
*points at Jacob* - Jon