2002-01-14 22:55:56 (UTC)

for my love.

i took a nap.
and it was great.

i feel like im fighting this uphill battle.
you dont understand me.
i dont understand you.
like the only mutual ground we stand on
is this thick stubborn and beautiful
platform of our love.
i would do anything for your happiness.
and still it seems everything i do
flips around and upside down
and slaps my in my face.
and i think its pretty stupid.
that so much love.
could cause so much pain.
relating to trivial insignificant issues.
and i cant fight with you.
it doesnt work for me.
im not an outwardly angry person.
and anger is the most difficult emotion for me to express.
because i think the majority of it is fleeting
and way too potent when its around.
i think differently from you.
im sure that at least that much is obvious by this point.
im sure its been obvious for awhile.
things that wouldnt effect you.
effect me.
and things that wouldnt effect me.
effect you.
and there is nothing we can do about it.
because we have tried for almost six months.
and i feel like when were in the middle of one of these
ever so present fights.
you dont want to listen to me.
like all rational thinking just disappears
and all you know at that point.
is that youre mad. and its because of me.
emily, if i could change things so that we never fought i
and im going to try not to let little things bother me.
and instead of you getting mad because i say things are
because i know i do that.
im going to try to just tell you.
and be like hey youre doing this and its making me upset.
but in a better way
and maybe that will get rid of some shit.
because i dont want us to be bullshit.
i dont.
and i dont want to fight with you everytime i see or
everytime i talk to you.
you are the person thats the most capable of making me
and at the same time, you have the power to make me really
not you really, but situations relating to you.
and its stupid.
all of its stupid.
yeah. i love you.
and that should be what fucking matters.
you know.
fuck everything else.
and im not going to cheat on you with jen.