Sleeping with the lights on
2002-01-14 18:00:23 (UTC)

In this moment I am happy

I haven't been writing because I've been grounded from the
net. I guess I don't really have much to say besides
the fact that I'm sick and it sucks really bad. I just layed
in my bed and cried all night, I think I was hallucinating
because I haven't gotten any sleep. I was cold last night
but I was sweating. and i think my "cold" is something more
than a cold but I'm too afraid to go to the doctor's to find
out. I had a dream last night that I had pnemonia(is that
how you spell it?) I think I might, but I am not sure. I
could get it really easily because I'm pretty unhealthy. for
lack of better spelling terms. lol. I was wide awake last
night and the phone was ringing..I kept thinking that it was
my dad's girlfriend calling to say that my dad was dead or
in the hospital..I've been up for a really long time.
Anyways, I woke up after my dream..and for some reason I was
laying there, thinking about what I would give everybody
when I was gone. I had it all planned out. To Anna, my
bestest friend in the entire world..I gave her most of my clothes and jewelry..and I gave Jeffo my guitar.
I gave oldest brother my "piece" and Jimmy my
incense and candles and everything like that. I was freaking
myself out really bad. I don't know why I keep thinking that
I am dying. I miss so much school anymore because I am
sick.I think that next year for sure I am going to be home
schooled and just get a job. It'll be easier that way, ya
know? I don't know. I am so cracked out. I get off of my
medicine in 6 months.. yay!
I saw Jason on Saturday..he looked okay. I gave him a hug,
but it was really weird. He told me that he would give me
back my bear but had just kept it around coz it reminded him
of me, but told jeff that he didn't fucking want it. I don't
know about him anymore. it seems weird to me that we even
dated. although we dated for almost 3 months. I don't know.
I just don't fucking know.
I just don't fucking care.
I just want to go to sleep..