Little Bird

Private Babbling
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2002-01-14 17:18:36 (UTC)

I'm so Stupid!

The past month or so has been hellish. I want to scream!

Right before the holiday’s I met this Cowboy, a real,
honest to god Cowboy. I never committed to him or showed
myself to him and now I am really kicking myself.

How could I have been so stupid?!

If he had known who/what I was I don’t think he would have
done what he did.

The Cowboy is now in jail for ‘raping’ a 15-year-old girl.
I don’t think he raped her. I’m sure he wanted to fuck her
brains out but he was never a bull. Then again, he just
lost everything and he was under a lot of stress.


These aren’t excuses. I am simply trying to figure out what

If he had know that I would have given my life’s blood to
him he might have kept his cock tucked neatly away.

It makes me feel less of a woman, knowing he has copulated
with a child. If I had only cum for him.

GOD! How could I have been so stupid and selfish?

I wanted him to know me. I wanted him to share my hunny but
I was afraid. I didn’t want to give him that power. I
wanted the power. That is not for me to decide. When I have
sex with someone I should be willing to let them please me.

This is such a bad situation and I feel like I created it.

I know that ‘rape’ is an act of aggression, not sex. The
fact of the matter is that when we were having sex he was
so gentle. I wasn’t used to that. I wanted him to be
aggressive. I wanted him to take what he wanted, what he
needed but I held it just out of him reach. If he could
have released that aggression and could have made me cum he
would have been fine.

GOD! I am so stupid!

I promised myself I would never be dishonest again and look
what I’ve done!