cosmic ski slopes
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2002-01-14 15:37:30 (UTC)

I'm back. I guess...

yeah, I know, 'it's been a while..' *Staind plays in the
Well, life has been furious since this summer... Yeah,
so phil and i slept together and I've had other bf's since
then, no huge loss, I dated andy until my mom found
out and after that around homecoming i hooked up with
a frosh for a while... well, a week or so, lol. since then
i've been with a guy named stephen, he's in the usmc
and his family lives up here even though he's from NC.
so yeah, we were gonna be together forever, until
things got to be too much for me again, lying to my
family, exbf's reappearing all of a sudden, college, the
distance, the age thing (though I don't want to admit it,
he's 23 and 6 years is a lot when you're in high school,
you know?) and so now I'm back where I started, i
suppose. Saturday night was my school's Winter
Formal and I took Nick. yes, my nick whom I loved and
depended on with all of me and then my nick who
crushed me and fucked me up mentally and I haven't
been the same since my nick came into and left my life.
it was amazing though... he sang to me just like he
used to, i love his voice. and he told me that he still
cares about me and that he would never stand me up
and that he yelled at his debate coach for making him
two hours late to the dance, but he showed up, and
that's what matters. we had an amazing time together,
just like we used to. he promised me that he would
never stand me up and he made me promise that i
believe him. and i suppose i do, i mean, i know he's
king of bastards and all, but i don't think he'd hurt me
like that again. he apologized for putting me through
that, even though we're not together again, i know he
still cares about me. he knows i still him too. but i don't
know if i could ever be with him again, i know how he is
now and i know that everything else comes first in his
life except for love, for relationships in general, even
being his friend is a lot of work on my part.
so i dunno what i would do if he stopped saying "errr"
everytime he brought up the subject and started
agreeing with me- started to realize that ppl are more
important than time or money... but he won't, so i'll stay
his friend and fall inlove with him again and remember
his arms around me and him whisperin gin my ear
everything that I want to hear him say...
*dreams of better days... "oh I've seen better days, been
the star of many plays, I've seen better days.... til the
bottem drops out!"*