The Shadow of Myself
2002-01-14 07:41:36 (UTC)

holding on to something sometimes hurts really bad...

Well.. what's new? Hmm.. nothing at all actually. Nothing
has moved.. nothing new has been said.. no feelings have

I'm tired right now.. but I'm not sleeping. Why? There
are actually lots of reasons. I'm not going into them
though. What's the point? Why do I need to explain
myself? I mean.. who besides me is so interested in what
I'm thinking that they need to hear that. I haven't had
anyone ever express the most genuine concern for what I'm
thinking. Oh sure people have asked me what I'm thinking
about.. but I would dare to say that nobody has ever wanted
to know ALL of what I'm thinking as much as I want to know
all of what he is thinking. (Yes.. you know who you are
without me even saying.. so you no longer have to assume..
b/c it is you) I suppose if there truly is doubt in your
mind that it's is you.. then perhaps it not. I don't think
you really doubt it though.. at all.

I'm praying that I don't do anything stupid.. and that this
will all work out as it should. It's just so difficult to
have all these swirling emotions that are constantly
pulling me in different directions. It's hard to
concentrate sometimes. I just wanna be like.. forget about
it.. I'm doing something else right now.. but it rarely
works. So then I start feeling guilty for thinking about
it too much. I don't know how to stop though.. so whatever.

If you ask me.. I think this is pretty stupid. Maybe I
just don't know how to appreciate it yet.. or maybe I'm
being too optimistic and holding on to something that I'll
never be able to keep.