Tlp307

The Diary of an idiot
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2002-01-14 05:27:49 (UTC)

what's going on

well here's what's been going on in my life

The two possibilities in my life in which i was seeking a
possible relationship have both been stopped. One is
because one of the girls i liked is now in a relationship
and the second is because there is no way anything is going
to happen between me and the other girl.

however through it all i have made many friends and have
learned alot about myself

#1 I am not ready for any relationship (yea I know i've said
that many times before and yet still i'm looking for
one)

#2 I don't know how to let a girl know that i like her
(this is a problem that i have just started to notice. I
was talking to one of my close female friends and she was
telling me that one reason that a girl might not like me is
because i didn't initiate or let her know that i liked
her. And oh man did that pi$$ me off. the fact that now I
have to live witht he regret of what would have happened if
i had just been brave and asked her out. but hopefully
that is what this next semester is going to be all about.
This is the semester of no regrets and no fear. I
have "vowed" that no matter what happens i'm never going to
live the life of what if this or what if that...why?
because i'm going to do it. If there is a girl that I like
and I have a little cash on me i'm just going to plainly
ask her out. It doesn't have to even be a date it could be
just for some ice cream or something like that. I don't
even care if she says no. I'm just going to keep living on
knowning that hey i tried and it didn't work oh well its
time to move on.

#3 Where am I going?. This sounds dumb but that is the
main point of my life. I have no idea where i'm headed.
Yea sure i'm planning on becoming a science teacher and all
but so what?! at a moments notice all that could change and
next thing you know i'm a psychology major. I have
realized that i cannot live with myself as some girl's
boyfriend if I can't even look her in the eyes and tell her
my life plans. a woman should never be with a man who's
not going anywhere unless she has the GOD-given order to do
so. Experience has taught me this. I've seen so many
people get pulled down because they have to be a crutch for
their supposedly better half. and what ends up happening is
that they waste away their time and talents to the point
that when they try to use their talents they are either
withered or not their any more.

Well now that i've just preached a sermon to my self I'm
going to write down my relationship utopia. Now before i
write this let me say that i do fully understand and
realize that this is an impossibilitiy and that only in the
extremist of situations does it really work.

MY RELATIONSHIP UTOPIA:
1. To have a girl(friend) who knows I like her and I
know that she likes me. This means that she trust me when
i'm out with my female friends and won't question what's
going on between me and them. She won't care if i'm out
late, because she knows the extent to which i love her and
that i would not want to jepordize my relationship with her
by messing around with someone else
2. To have a few close female friends. Why? i dunno
that's just the way i was raised. I find that there are
some things that you can tell to a close female friend that
you can't tell to a girlfriend or to a close male friend.
plus a female friends advice is a whole lot better than
most guys advice.
3.naturally to have some close guy friends as well.
these would be my boys of course. my peeps, my peoples, my
folks my niggaz.

and that's the most of it so far.
well its getting late and i got classes tomorrow
good night


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