emo kween

i hug pillows
2002-01-14 03:10:27 (UTC)

ive picked my poison ..haha

sheesh. what am i to do?

heres the run down of whats ben going on:

-i skipped 4th and 6th bell with bellotti and bray on
friday. i really wish i hadnt. i regret it so bad. if i
dont get in trouble i swear i wont skip again. please god?
i will get killed if i get caught. :[

-friday nite was fun. i think i wrote about that? about the
show and harris teeter and yea...? hmm.

-saturday i was with nicole.went to lynnhaven. last that
nite we went to wrv to return adams christmas gift that i
never got to give him. not that he deserved one..haha. and
we got pulled oevr by the police. sheesh. then we went to
some mexican restuarant that made me way sick. the lady in
the restroom was so funny! haha. then we went to adams [not
massie] friends party thingy....it was alright. i suppose.
we didnt stay long. i didnt drink enough to get drunk.
which is a good thing. i dont need to make my liver any
worse than it already is...

-and theres really nothing else.

but lemme tell ya about last nite, oh boy.

the police thing was scary enough. and crazy...and then we
went to see adam and his friends party..and i felt so
awkward. im so much younger than him and even at my age
that my friends are, i feel young compared to them..so
imagine how i felt with people who really are older than
me. but i had fun and liked talking to him. hes a nice guy.
and funny. and i hafta stop myself from liking him. i cant
do that. i just got outta a real stupid relationship and
who knows what i need right now. but he does make me
smile...and when i talk to him i cant seem to remember that
i cant like him.

and im not the type to assume that a guy likes me so im not
going to say he does because i could be wrong. i hate
jumping to conclusions. im not saying a word until i know
if to be a fact. yes. that is it.

but it wouldnt be so bad if he did like me. :]

ahhh what am i talking about??? i do want him to like me
but i dont want just another guy who will break my heart in
a few weeks and then weeks later do it again...i dont want
to get into anything unless i know its going to be real and
in a way that scares me too...i dont want to be at the
point where i will fall in love with someone but i dont
want it to be an 'i-dont-really-care' kinda thing...err.
this is dumb.

and i really really dont wanna get in trouble. i wish i was
at the point where i was old enough to do what i wanted. in
a way i am but then again im not. but wait...what is it
that i want to do??

i think mike wants to go to tcc for a year or so just to
catch up and then go to a university kinda college and he
said he will if i will and hes one of my best friends so
that would be fun and we could live in ghent and maybe live
with someone else and ahh it would be so so fun..but i also
kinda wanna go to vcu...or somewhere far. haha i cant make
up my mind!!!

my sister is nuts.
ask nicole..hahaha.

i think this is enough for one nite...

gnite. sleep tight. sweet dreams. :]

ohhh yeayah!! [haha]