Reality Bites
2002-01-14 03:09:25 (UTC)

Everything you are

Today wow, was a lot like yesterday, I didn't do much past
get up. I cleaned my room, then Lori came over for a couple
hours and tutored me and then I just did nothing much for
the rest of the day.

Today gave me a lot of time to think about things, and I
realized that part of the reason that Friday was such the
day from hell was because of my attitude and the way I was
thinking about things. I think I build Jesse up to be this
great all knowing perfect guy when the reality of it is
he's still very immature and he doesn't know what he's
doing half the time. I still really love him a lot, I just
need to stop expecting so much from him, and I've come to
realize that what he needs right now is a really good
friend. I have to love him enough to let him go. Wow,
actually reading that is kinda a shock...But things can't
get better for me until I do let him go--If we're really
meant to be it'll happen. I just cant seem to get over him.

I decided I was gonna stop "looking" per se for a
relationship and work more on my self. I need as my shrink
told me last week, "A cup full of confidence". I'm getting
very frusterated with myself lately. I've actually got my
wieght down a little, it's definately draining. If I mess
up and eat like a chip, I get so angry and very critical
and end up not eating for the rest of the day to
compensate....It can't be healthy but I'm so fed up and I
believe that things would be a lot different if I could
just loose this last 15. Gosh, I'm almost positive that Jes
would like me in a second if I did. See there I go again...
I'm gonna go take a bath...~ME~