Pink Flowers

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2002-01-14 02:57:53 (UTC)

Lost Dress

Who am I kidding I will never wear that red wedding
dress.....or any wedding dress for that matter. I am just
so stupid sometimes. I knew this whole thing with William
was a bad idea. He is still thinking about MA. And, he
also found out that I told Lauren about he and I and last
week. Shit! I knew I shouldn't have told her. I want to
cry right now but I just can't.....I just can't. Maybe
after a point in time there are no more tears left...... I
did buy a pack of ciggeretts today. I wasn't nervous or
anything I just was pissed and went up there with that
whatever attitude. And then, the lady was like ok. It
was pretty fucking cool.
So anyway, I figured out the main reason I don't want
to have children, not because I hads a bad childhood
(which is that my mom thinks) but because it was so
wonderful and whimsical that I would have to bring another
life into this world that would have to go through the
same thing. That and the fact that I will never find
anyone to be a father.
So tomarrow is going to be a bitch of a day....and no
by the way I did not go to the gym today...I wasted my
time with William instead. Well whatever I will think
about this later.