Psychotic Rambles
Ad 2:
2002-01-13 19:20:23 (UTC)

Peanut butter!

ok, after an extremely nice and settling letter i got from
someone, i have decided to tell him tommorow. yea, i know
i'm prolly making a huge mistake, and i think its time that
i tell what actually happened that i talk about so often.

last year i started becoming really good friends with a
lot of highschoolers. During most of the summer i didnt
really see any of them for one reason or another, but
around the end of July i started going on base again and we
had a blast. we would sit around outside in the park
outside of Rories building and listen to music and just be
jammin in the middle of the night belting out Leaving on a
Jetplane and getting the cops called on us several times
for excesive noise. We had wrestling matches and i would
walk along the street completely barefoot and push someone
around on a skateboard. it was really some of the best
times of my life.

about mid august, i started going out with this guy, whom
i was mainly attracted to because he was sweet and so easy
to make laugh, and thats all i am, trying to make even the
most cynical person crack a smile. Well, anyway, already on
the first day, barely 10 minutes after we had started going
out this one really idiot guy somehow talked me into
frenching someone to win a bet, and i really didnt think
anything of it, even through a little meant about
as much as doing something on a dare.

i skipped an important detail. there was this girl that my
best girl friend katelyn had been telling me about "oh you
gotta meet her" and all that, named missy, who had shortly
ago moved here from aviano. she has 2 younger brothers,
mike and chris. when i met her i could tell that we werent
ever going to be really good friends, and in fact i had the
feeling that we really didnt like each other too much.
nevertheless i was perfectly willing to get along with her.

i was slightly unhappy with my boyfriend a week later,
because he didnt call, and we harly saw each other, and i
had told a friend of mine to talk to him and see what he
says, but not to like dump him for me or anything. well,
the next day i was even more upset and decided to end it,
and i asked that same friend to forget it and just dump him
for me. now mind, that i said these 2 different things on 2
different days.

alright, back to the story. later the day i had told brad
to break up with him for me we were all hanging out as
usual, except that Nick and Donte were with us that night
and he and missy were really flirting, you know with
massages and such, and we were talking with Donte and all
was fine and well. up until the point where Meghan decided
that we should play truth or dare. now something in my head
was telling me that it was stupid to play truth or dare
while i was going out with someone, but i did regard us as
over, so i thought, go ahead.

the first dare was on me. Donte,Nick,Meghan and I were
playing. My dare was to make out with Nick. i firmly
believe that meghan did that intentionally to start
something between missy and i by choosing nick. Of course,
balantly gullible as i am, didnt see it, and decided aw
hell, why not? and i did it. But then for some reason Donte
and Missy got mad at each other and Donte quit the game and
we decided that it was pointless continuing the game with
only one guy.

bout an hour later nick and i were talking and i, noticing
that he looked rather sore and tired after football
practice, offered him a backrub. he accepted and after a
while when my hands and forearms got tired, i draped myself
around his shoulders and we ended up making out again, to
my bane. in fact it went quite awayz farther than that, and
to my dismay someone noticed and a couple of people came
over to that bench, obviously pissed and kind of saw part
of the spectacle. i didnt really care, and i really didnt
make a big deal out of it.

but they did. i wasnt allowed on base for about a week,
and when i came back, there was missy, ready to cuss me
out. really i had already known that she would, but i
decided to go ahead and indulge her. i sat there
considering and listening to every word she said, quite
collected, barely raising my voice and never being
insultive, which actually required a great amount of
composure. but then the most infuriating thing came when
they accused me of "catching me at so many lies". 1. about
me telling brad to do things for me. either i did tell him
to break up or i didnt, and i couldnt have said both.
fools. and brad was of no help either. 2.obviously this
wasnt the first boyfriend i had cheated on.! what rubbish!
that was the first, and last time i ever did that! Rian had
said that i cheated on Farrakan with Justin and on Justin
with Farrakhan. supposedly something he had heard from
Farrkhan. that is pretty much all i recollect from that
lurid scene.

well, in any case they were all pissed at me and didnt
talk to me for the longest time. and then suddenly for no
apparant reason mike got into it and started insulting me
from across the street! calling me a dirty ho and all such
things! i swear to god that i was about to start a fight
with him once, but patricio pulled me away, told me it
wasnt worth it (thank you!) Honestly, missy and her sorry
attempts to ruin me couldnt have touched me with a ten foot
pole, but this with mike was just too much. i was near the
edge of sanity. a month more of THAT and i prolly would
have done something to myself. in desperation i wrote a
letter to mike apealing to the good times we had had and
not to throw everything away and make enemies so quickly or
something like that. i dont know if he ever got it, but
shortly after that he appologized.

its not like i had meant for any of it to happen. in fact
quite the opposite. it seems more of a surrealistic dream
now. well, mike and i were more on a hi bye basis until
recently. i will describe again for you the events that
made me take interest in mike, and other reasons why i
should leave it be.

first i was talking to Catie and Thomas and he came over
to talk to Thomas and i was like "hey mike" and then he
said hi and hesitated for a moment before he gave me a hug.
Damn he smelled fine! i cant help but finding good smelling
people quite seductive. whatever. another time i had been
sledding with rian and then mike and some of his crew
stopped to start a snowball fight with us. mike tackled me
and then helped me up, and after doing the only, decide dto
greet me and as how i had been doing. then he hugged me go
closely that he quite littlerally picked me up. in
thourough confusion we continued the fight and when rian
had me in his grip he told mike to whitewash me, which he
did. but then on a rebound i tackled mike, but he sort of
caught me and tried to pull me down but i grabbed onto a
fence and warned him that i was falling, and suddenly there
with his hands on my waist, him whispering "dont worry, i
gotcha" i fell for him.

oh god! what would missy do if she knew. she would beat me
down on the spot. what would rian do?! he would be hurt or
angry or jealous or shocked or all of the above! along with
everyone else. but yet still, i must find out if mike would
give us a chance.

Waiting, hoping..wishing
Stephanie Skater Girl