Ketsurui

Kyomu no Naka de no Yuugi

caught between the crevice of delusion and reality
surge vague twine rip assault mind
through the shattered peices of glass countless rays of
light are reflected

In my ruined and dissoluted mind
I redicule nihility, I dissipate in solitary
Cold blood flows
My faded mind is slipping through

From yonder of darkness, pierced light awakened the past,
Eternity of time is ticking away endlessly, Reminiscence
From yonder of time, the present ties to the past
With pieces of recollection, Reminiscence

Why am I here nowhere?
Just stare at the end of the everlasting infinity
Enormous wandering shadows are crumbling
Time passes as your heart mingles with the flowing waters

From yonder of darkness, the broken pieces of recollection,
Reminiscence
Eternity of time is ticking away endlessly, Reminiscence
Light pierced awakened the past, Reminiscence

slimy hole bind detain insane sensual
surge vague twine assault mind
Crumbling forms are closing in towards me
I wish everything would collapse and scatter away

From yonder of darkness, pierced light, Reminiscence
Recollection, Reminiscence
Reminiscence

-Malice Mizer, Kyomu no Naka de no Yuugi (Track 3, Bara no
Seidou)

The title, Kyomu no Naka de no Yuugi, means 'amusement in
nothingness' (or void). The song was written after the
group's second vocalist quit for a solo career. The group
took on an operatic tone with choir-like vocals, After
reading the lyrics, it seems as if they wrote the song
thinking their time as a group was up. So the lyrics have a
really painful tone to them.

Rather sad, it makes me envision myself in an empty place,
with nobody to comfort me...much like how I feel sometimes.
It's hard sometimes; to be so close to reaching your dream,
but so many obstacles.

(Yes, all this rambling has a point to it)

I was talking to Lacey a little over a week ago, about many
things, but one issue stood out. We ended up getting to the
subject of relationships. She's been in two, and both ended
rather abruptly, leading her to believe that she could
never have a successful relationship and that she just
isn't good enough for anyone. That hurts. She said she is
somewhat hesitant to get into another relationship, but if
she were to, that I would be the only person she'd even
consider. Many times, I've tried to tell her that she means
everything to me, and that I could never let her slip away.
But still she's hesitant. I wish I could change her mind,
but I don't know how... That's my dream; to have a healthy
relationship with the one I love. Grrr.

LOL..she's afraid of my dad. I don't blame her, most people
are. The first time she met my dad was on my birthday. He
had been trying to get me to have her over for dinner, but
she was so busy working that it didn't happen. Anyway,
after everyone had left on my birthday, he kept pretty
quiet...never said anything about what he thought about
her. But a couple days later, he finally said something. "I
think she's a little too cozy." Now what the fuck is that,
huh? Too cozy? Give me a fucking break. Anyway, I told him
to mind his own business; he doesn't know shit about her,
and his opinions don't matter to me. He got pissed and said
I couldn't see her anymore....riiiiiiiiiight.. I blew him
off. The nexy day though, he apologized about what he had
said, and told me that whatever choice I make, he fully
supports me. Apparently, he had asked for my brother's
opinion. Me 1 Dad 0. Sounds like an ass-kissing if I've
ever heard one, right? He asked my relatives their opinion
of her, cuz they were also here for a while on my
birthday...and they said she seemed sweet as far as they
could tell. Me 2 Dad 0. So last week, we go to the movies
(me, Lacey, my bro, and our friend Jamie). After that, we
all went out for sushi...mmm....sushi....and when we all
got back, my dad asked for Jamie's opinion. She pretty much
said perfect 10. Me 3 Dad 0. So, my dad talked to me again
and told me that after hearing other people's opinions, he
feels okay about the matter. What Lacey doesn't realize, is
that whenever she's around, my dad will somewhat give her a
hard time, and she thinks it's just her. But in fact, my
dad gives everyone a hard time...all my friends...he makes
fun of them and shit, but most of my friends I've know for
more than four years, so they're used to it now. She
doesn't realize this, so I think that has something to do
with her feelings.
She still has yet to meet my mom. My mom's been bugging me
since the first time I actually went out with Lacey to get
her over, but Lacey's always working, so she can never fit
it into her schedule.

Bah, my fingers are tired...I've gotta stop now.