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2002-01-13 17:54:33 (UTC)

Tangled mind of confusion

Have you ever had one of those bad days? Once were one
thing bad after another happens? Well, I suppose that is
one of those days for me. Everything isn't working for me
today. Things that usually keep me happy. My friends at a
chat room called gemstone. I usually am happy there. Well
that isn't working everything else that I do to keep myself
entertained isn't working either. It's like someone or
something doesn't like my being happy. Even the littlest
thing could make me cry at any moment. I feel so unstable,
like I am one column supporting the whole world. One day
the tears will just come, without me being able to stop
them at all. School is tomorrow again. The weekends seem
too short to feels so good to have the freedom then
you are put back down into your cage and you have to obey.
Otherwise it just adds more to your long list of
unhappiness. Why can't people see that I'm NOT perfect.
Most preps don't think that anyway...they just give me the
look like "oh my god...what a dork." There is always that
fake smile when you look at them. The one of moddesty and
arrogance. I even took the time to write a poem about how
it hurts when they do that kind of stuff and it is mostly
to my friend who has been talking behind my back. Here it
Unspoken pain

I hear your whispering voice
I hear your cruel words
I feel my heart falling
Into the depths within
I see your twisted smile
I see all of your turmoil
I feel my mind crumbling
Disturbed by the screams I send
I sense your bitter cruelties
I sense you cold-hearted ways
I feel my soul fading
Swept away on a gently wind

It's not the best but it shows how I feel perfectly. My
friends don't really understand it much though...That's how
it always's hard to find someone who truely
understands. If you do, it brings you very close...for
isn't it a wonder that pain and fear brings people
together? Not out of the goodnes of their heart. Like the
tragedy that happened September 11. Why did THAT have to
bring people together? Why did such a sad tragedy have to
be acted on to make people depend on each other? Before we
could have cared less...why couldn't we just we together
before it happened? It's really sad that something
involving the death of thousands of people had to happen
for us to become kinder, open our hearts to others. Don't
you wish that hadn't have happened? Don't you wish
everyone was kind from the start? Don't you? My heart
aches for everyone's loses...I tried being kind from the
start but everyone brushed me aside. And now they actually
look at me as a person? Not all...some still don't care.
What do THEY need? A death of 10,000 people? Just to
realize they should be nice? My god...look at how cruel
the world is...all of this death...all of the bitterness.
How can we change and STAY that way?

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