a little piece of me
2002-01-13 04:10:04 (UTC)

so good, yet so bad

back at my house again. good, because frankly i can't
stand to be at my parental units' house. bad because that
means school starts up again in a few days. i guess i'm
ready. keep my mind occupied. that's always a good
thing. i've been doing a lot of thinking the past few
days. some good, most bad. i hate to say it, but i miss
brett so much. why do i hate to say it? it makes me feel
weak, and vulnerable, missing someone so much. i don't
like that feeling. i like to imagine myself being very
independent, and for some reason loving someone always
makes me feel weaker. i know--get some therapy or
something. i'm workin on it.

*sigh* i'm so tired. i took a nap today. a rather long
one. 2 hours. it wasn't quite an accident, but not quite
planned either. i hate napping, because i usually can't go
to sleep at night if i do. i'm just incredibly tired
today. i think it's because of the depression. it goes
both ways. doesn't make any sense to me. i think
something else must be wrong. during one spell, i can't
hardly sleep at all. during another, i can't get enough
sleep. i just sleep all the time. is this normal? i
guess i don't really care. i'm just too tired to worry
about it right now.

hmm, while brett was here, we looked at some zebra
finches. i couldn't afford them at the time, but i can
now. i wish i would've gotten them while he was here. i
know he liked the birds i already had. it would have been
nice. i'll go get them some time either this week or
next. he'll have to help me come up with some names. they
have to bee off the wall, of course, to match the names of
the other birds lol. there is also this gray cockatiel at
a pet store. there was no price, but if it's reasonable, i
may just have to get him as well. he was huge! a fuckin
monster! but so pretty. i just love birds. i'm going to
be the lonely old bird lady when i grow up. great. what a

ok, well, hmm, life isn't giving me much of a reason to
stay up right now, so i guess i'm gonna go. good night