psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2002-01-13 03:27:57 (UTC)

whyd you have to go and pick me

when you knew that we were different COMPLETELY.
your wildness scares me, so does your freedom
say you cant stand the restrictions,
i find myself trying to change you,
if you were meant to be my lover i WOULDNT HAVE TO.
i feel so mean, i feel in between,
Cus I'm about to give you away..
But I should have thought of that before we kissed.

UGGHHH.. So whatever. I told her not to read this anymore
because im so mad. im like really mad. shes really being
a bitch to me. like its really making me not care to deal
with it anymore and that makes me mad.
i finally talked to richard today =) he liked the flowers
he said "i love them." hes still really really sick =( it
sucks i feel so bad for him. he was coughing up blood
yesterday. thats disgusting.
gus just called to ask if i still hate him. and why was i
mad at him and shit. lol. whatever. i think hes an
intelligent person who may be a nice guy and may be evil,
and i dont have the time energy or desire to make the
effort to find out.
im worried about matt=(
So last night was shitty. claudia and i are both losing
it. i saw shannon=) hehe that was cool. and then we were
sad. and caroline told me to "get out of her personal
space." well that might just be #1 on the list of things
to NEVER EVER SAY TO ME EVER. shes like "my head hurts."
well im sorry. my everything hurts and you DONT SAY THAT
TO ME. EVER. we are SUCH different people. god fucking
damn it. you know im real pissed about this. this is not
how things were supposed to happen. at all. AT ALL. like
i told her last night, if she did everything she wanted,
all the time, i would be so unhappy, and if she did
everything like i wanted and didnt do anything to make me
sad, she would be unhappy. so what the fuck are we doing?
and WHY COULDNT I HAVE SEEN THIS LIKE SIX MONTHS AGO? im so
pissed. so so pissed.
ashley just called=) i miss her i havent seen her in a
whole week almost. fucking bullshit. im going to go buy
her something in a minute. something she wanted but
hopefully she will have forgotten about and it'll be a good
surprise.
i know im not making you happy. well realizing you have a
problem is the first step to recovery huh. no probably not.
oh well. im guna go buy ashley a present and make pictures
of beautiful rachel.
what.
shes talking like shes done. IM supposed to be done
first. ALL THIS TIME IVE BEEN SAD ABOUT THIS, and fucking
NOW, SHEs the one who you know what fuck that family. im
really pissed. im really really pissed. if someone comes
into my life, and means more to me than everything else in
the world combined, and then they totally fuck me over and
leave me empty and fucked up like nothing else, WHY IN GODS
NAME, would i ever think that someone of close relation
would be a GOOD FUCKING IDEA I AM REALLY REALLY PISSED
OFF. AAAGGGHHH I WANT TO FUCKING DIE I AM NEVER EVER EVER
DOING THIS AGAIN I WANT TO DIE. it seems like it never
mattered to you? WHAT. what. what. what.. what.
fucking. what.
what.
never mattered to me? NO bitch. no bitch, if it never
mattered to me i believe i would have done things a little
bit differently. i would have done things A LOT
differently. i would have chosen richard, who i KNEW would
never do anything to hurt me and fucking CARES and shit and
can show it and i would have not wasted this much of my
time and AAAGHHHHH.
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
AGGHH.