Andrea

Forgotten Misery
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2002-01-13 02:28:19 (UTC)

warning deep shit in here

Had some quilty time with the rents tonight we wacthed
planet of the Apps since my dad hadnt seen that movie I
liked it better the 2 time than I did the first then again
me and maggie saw it toghter and were laughing making
monkey sounds at eachother damn i miss that.
Well im stuck between friends and now im afriad i have
messed up big time due to i could of just ruined 3
friendships or more. My mom and ms Vance...aaron and her
bro joe,me and her most of all,nikki and me, maybe even
sara. so thats not good. what did i do g had the right to
know but i messed up others peoples lives now along with
mine. sighs

u know when u think everything is ok in your life and your
back on track life throws a curve ball. I just got over my
sickness that I have had since the first night in this
house. I still loose my voice in and out of conversation
but thats because i went mute I didnt talk at all for the
longest time. Well now that I thought i was well im now
not sleeping at night having bad dreams and well everytime
I stand up I almost black out like a major blood rush and i
cant see and if i dont hold on to something I fall over. Also im
always so cold my hands feel like ice my nose my feet my whole body
is so cold im never warm and im the human furnance........
That scares me alot havent told my mom about it yet cause
im hoping all of it will go away.

I really need a friend right now i mean i really need
someone to just hug me and help me to pick up the pieces of
my life to start new. Its so hard I have been given alot
to handle I had to grow up way to fast. I have never had
to go something like this before on my own I always had
someone there for me my friends which are my family. they
always helped me pick me up when i would fall and the day i
moved i fell and within a few hours i tired to get up and
thought i would see the smiling face of a friend but no one
was there i crawled and stuggled to get up i was up only to
fall over again. I have never been this much on my own but
i guess in the long run this could be good yet the andrea
once known well she will never be the same again but dont
worry she didnt forget who she was well i havent yet and so
god help me i wont yet im still losing myself more and more
each day. I get to come in next weekend question is who
will make time to see lil pathetic me? question is who
actually truley in thier hearts long to see me again i know
of a few and question a few. ok ok im getting in to deep
wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall

K I have found 4 dresses that I like for the military ball
but i still gotta try them on and see which one i like the
most plus im hitting the other big mall in cloumbus
tomorrow another day out with the rents so i have to sleep
more than and hour. if i can pray that i sleep guys i look
god awful right now dont think anyone would reconize me
right now my eyes have no glow no happiness to them circles
are dark and deep blood shot eyes and my face as ghostly
white as it gets. but im fighting to get better guys i
promise im trying.

Sad thing is guys if I was back home I would be drinking
the night away till i had no clue of anything or even worse
smoking smoking and smoking more its so hard on me i quit
but god it gets ruff i crave one hell i crave a damn pack
right now and i could smoke one in less than 1 hour done it
before .........plus right now i know if anyone handed me
something i would take it y its called running away and
guess what im not running right now im standing still not
knowing which way to turn one road with ups and downs of
the drugs or one of highs and lows both ways i dont like
how they look so i stand still waiting for a hand to guide
me back to who i am. my life is at a all time low yet i
have everything i could ever need but the money we have
cant buy my happiness i wish it would but it doesnt its
just paper my dad thinks it will buying me a car buying me
anything i want and what to make me smile for an hour or 2
great. But this is life im on my own im getting a job soon
so i can make it on my own do as i please and my parents
better let me or well guess they will kick me out but i
know with friends i can and will make it and things will be
ok u dont need money to be happy just look around look at
what u have look at what u could loose at any time look at
those who love u and support u those who are always there
for dont take it for granite cause it could fade away at
any time u are blessed remeber that and yes i remind myself
everyday how blessed i am to have my family a home and most
of all my friends who r gona be there for the rest of my
life and will always have a place in my heart that I
promise i will never forget u were a huge part of my life
guys i promise to never forget if u vow to never forget me.

wall wall wall wall Wall Wall Wall wall wall wal

i left a spot for those who dare to venture those who dare
to know my soul some have gone over this wall they are
friends for life! Do u dare to go through the open and
weak spot to know me and love me as your own blood ?

Andrea


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