AmDx

A Reprehensible Shallow Society
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2002-01-12 18:09:44 (UTC)

A Awful Society/Awful Days

Well, considering I have no other outlet to express my
emotions, I guess I'll just have to start here. My life
consists of going to school, being ridiculed for the way I
dress or how I act, and then I come home to a mother who is
over protective, does not let me be an individual, and a
father who is in space. I feel like my life is getting
worthless more and more, day by day. Worst of all, society
is more or less placing me into this state of depression.
My school treats me like trash, however, I dislike preps or
preppies, however you may call it for their superficial
attitudes. They constantly whine about the most absent-
minded things, such as "trying out for varsity," varsity
this, varsity that, who gives?! The girls especially talk
about sports all the time, and they only go for the guys
who are good at sports, put the most gel in the hair, or go
to parties, drink the most, and ones who get wasted the
most. No girl in my school has ever given me a chance, and
I'm treated like trash in the end-result. In my life, I was
very much the outcast only because I was ridiculed for my
weight about 3rd grade, through 8th until I lost alot of
weight, and I thought things would change, maybe I would
get a little more respect, and less ridicule. However,
nothing like that ever happened, and the people in school
seemed to ignore me more and more. Every girl thinks i'm
weird as they have only their own set defenitions of their
perfect guys, and no one can accept anyone which different
tastes, or different outlooks on life. Worst of all, I have
resorted to going on the internet and looking up punk
girls, only because I feel that the punk genre of girls in
ct usually are the only ones next to goths, and computer
girl "nerds" who have a different, and realistic outlook on
life. But, I feel like the punk girls are too into their
own agendas to care about some kid from the internet, and
also, most of them are in southern ct which is really far
away. I however found one near me, and tommorow we were
supposed to do something, but then I find out that she
SUPPOSEDLY has to do something, even though we planned this
a week ago! EVEN ON THE DAMN internet I am Rejected! I am
getting to a point where I can't take all this downfall
that is constantly weighing upon me, more and more, until I
can't take it anymore. I personally think I will never find
any damn perfect girl in my area, and I'm getting sick of
it. I want to express my frustration and anger in school by
dressing up the way that I want, with a
rammstein/mudvayne/slipknot shirt, and the baggiest pants
to find just to piss them all off, and I do, but worst of
all my mom acts like an ass about it as she wants me to
dress like all those other preppy asses. I am scared from
earlier in my childhood for being ridiculed about my
weight, and I could do nothing about it to stand up for
myself, and this has scarred me to be a bit shy, but now in
school I just act idiotic to piss them off, and to feel
weird. THe more I do it, the more I feel proud to be who I
am, but their is no other person like me, and I can't
express my emotions in anyway. I'm just depressed and
lonely.

That's all for today


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