2002-01-12 13:27:45 (UTC)

Caught Between Two Lovers and Feeling Like A Fool.

7:17 AM CST

I am stuck between two lovers and feeling like a fool. I do not know what to do about it. I want
both of them, but one is a jealous man and wants me all for himself and the other is not and is willing
for me to be with him.

Steve found me via and Honey found me via our msntv.usernet group. I have been with Honey to long, and Steve is nice and I know I can work out something.

Steve has been a no show for various reasons, and
Honey has always been there to meet me at Aurora.
I want to give Steve a chance, but I am uncertain.

Honey's attitude about "women" is alarming. He says his dear old daddy told him no women is worth getting upset about and over and worth fighting.
The man is probably heart broken about losing his
wife of 40 years.

My adoptive dad buried two wives before he died.
Then he died.

I am just do not know what to do. I have allowed
Steve to msn me again, I did have him blocked and
reinvited him back again.

My life stinks. I am just getting over an episode
of depression and all. It will be a long time
before I see Honey after I see him in February.
Not until June.

I have to prepare for Lent, Holy Week, and Easter
Vigil and Sunday. My trips to Iowa. I will love him but I am not in love with him. That is a high
school concept as is "puppy love" or being infatiuated with one.

You have to love that person before you are in love with that person. I do not want any MAN to love me
so therefore, they can not be in love with me.

I will squash that before it happens.

I am afraid the most commitment they will get out
of me now is a semi-permanent relationship.
I am deathly afraid of that.

I am happy being the way I am more or less.

-Karissa Anne-