jane_doe

a little piece of me
2002-01-11 22:35:24 (UTC)

blargh

talked to brett last night. he made it home ok, which is
good. i talked to his mom for a little bit. that lady
definitely likes to talk! lol anyway, i miss him like
crazy already. i really don't know what's going to happen
with us now that he's gone. i don't know where we stand
anymore. i know we have a lot to talk about. things were
very strange the last week. i know he wanted to end
things, so i tried to be ok with it. god that hurt. i was
such a wreck. i was really cold to him for a couple of
days. i wish i could take that back. there is so much i
wish i could take back, or do over with him. i'm not quite
sure how he feels, but i love him a lot still. maybe even
more than i did before. i don't know.

sigh. i don't know. i get the computer for a couple of
hours, so i was hoping he would get on so i can talk to him
about something. i don't want to write it in here yet, in
the chance that he might read it before i can tell him
about it. it's really important, though, and i don't want
to wait until tomorrow to talk to him. hmmm...oh well.

well, i guess that's about it. classes start monday. i'm
a little nervous. i always am. i don't know why. i know
where everything is, and all that mumbo jumbo. oh, before
i forget. jeremy kinda tried to commit suicide, or
something like that. he's now on zoloft. he said it makes
him tired but keeps him fairly level. he just got out of
the hospital today, and the first thing he did was come by
and see me. i didn't know what to say. i told him about
my cutting, and i showed him my old scars. i told him that
if he needs to talk, i understand. i didn't show him the
new cuts. mom thinks i quit, which i sorta did, but well,
i had an 'episode' last week, where i did it again. i am
trying to quit for good, though.

ok, well, that's really it for now. i'm going back to my
house tomorrow. it's going to be so hard...every time i
move i'll be reminded of something brett did or said or
whatever. he gave me his favorite hooded sweatshirt before
he left. i've been sleeping in it. he's so sweet. ok, i
really am going. take care everyone.

jane_doe