KeroseneKisses

Emotion Sickness
2002-01-11 21:16:08 (UTC)

student body

Today was by far the shittiest day I've ever had this
year. I think i have somehow accumulated a hate club for
myself. I wonder what sort of parties/benifits they have
to suport the cause. I can picture a bunch of 'punk-by-the-
books' dancing around a burning picture of myself, fueled
by loggs with my underwear hanging from each one... im
starting to understand why im missing so many pairs. I
think its pretty humorous that anyone would want to spend
time disliking someone who they dont know, someone whos
most harmful to themself and not others for the most part.
Truth is (against some theory) that you cant please
everyone, even if you try your darnedest. I think my I
shouls starty revising who my friends really are, so far
going throug a list i havent found but one person who has
cared for me for so long asside from a name that jumped
from the list, good ol' George. I still dont know why we
grew appart, i figure she thought i should be allowed to
have my freedoms (if you consider that to be letting my
life eat itself for the past two years) but anyway shes the
one i get the decorated b day card from every year, and
that flatters me, i dont think ive ever taking a given
maturial idem as more of a thought than a piece of
maturial. the times she has given to me i was always
perfectly flattered this is because she remembered to think
of me, she is a better friend than ill ever be to anyone.

So i was thinking today about when i am free from NHS, and
how much more sensible my life will be, i was wondering if
they were ever telling us the truth in 8th grade when we
had to watch that tape telling us that high school will be
the best years of our life. I will always begg to differ,
however i wonder if i had ruined it for myself. I think
perhaps i smell funny or look funny. because all of these
people have decided to dislike me, and i dont remember
doing anythng to them. this doesnt matter to me at all
unless it is the people i admire. i admire many people,
such as peole i am jelous of or feel bad for, which doesn
thave much relivance to me trying to fairly explain this
all.

Sometimes i wish i would be able to sit down and talk to
everone who hated me and see if i could change their mind,
i think its probable that people would realise im nothing
threatening. this is something ive struggled with my whole
life, why can people share the wealth of their ways. I
know a girl who is totally awesome but she doesnt feel
mutual, i can see it in her eyes when she glances. I wish
i could also talk to her


Worries of the week: maybe im bipolar, my ex boyfriend is
shrooming himself up a tree, my social fate is arriving, i
am boring, im am becoming less intellegent, ive got nobody
to have emotional conversation with, i lost my mag with
Bjork in it, i think im gaining weight, having to sing with
pequette saturday

Looking forward to: als covers, the presence of tim again,
throwing donuts at people, sleeping, fixing things will my
new hammer called medication, therapy, al keeping fingers
warm, seeing pat again, making some enemies into friends

today is vitos...




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