lost and confused
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2002-01-11 17:57:01 (UTC)

should I or shouldn't I?

I thouhgt we were ok again. He yelled at me and talked ugly
to me on Tuesday, and he know says he loves me, and
everything seems to be ok. Today, he asked me to put money
into his account. Lord knows I have done this many times,
because I fear loosing him. I know in my mind that he's
probably being nice to me because he needs money. I called
him today to tell him that I was going home from work
because I don't feel very well. all he had to say was not
to forget to put money into his account. Why do I put up
with this. I want so much not to do it, but I fear of
losing him. My heart says to hold on, I don't understand
why, but I'm afraid of being alone and think I can't get
another person in my life. Knowing me, i will probably do
it and regret the second I leave the bank. I know that he
will just call me to see if I had gone to the bank and made
the deposit and won't ask if I'm feeling any better. Tell
me why does he have such a big hold on me? I know I need to
get strong and leave him, and maybe you can help me be
strong and believe in myself. I can't do this on my own.

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