Xoidian Analysis
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2002-01-11 15:40:20 (UTC)

The Beginning

My first diary. I've never really kept a diary or journal,
although I did keep a daily record once. I was a volunteer
doing one-on-one support with people with HIV. That was back
in 1991-1993, when people didn't have access to the better
drugs that are now available, so they needed more help. I
had to write down each day what time we'd spent together,
what we did, and so on. I ended up writing down a lot of
personal observations, and I found unexpected mirrorings
between my other life and my life as a volunteer.

I found that log two months ago, after not seeing it for 8
years or so. I haven't really had it in me to read through
it, though, as a lot happened back then, both with Roy, the
guy my volunteering put me in touch with, and in my life at
home as well. There were others I worked with besides Roy,
but he was the first and made the biggest difference in my life.

I have the day off from work, and it's a fairly nice day so
far. Things are going okay at work, so I'm not too worried
that I'll have to deal with anything book-related.

I think I'll give a little background info here, just in
case anyone does read any of this. Otherwise, without
references, probably a lot of this wouldn't fly.

I'm gay, atheist, white, middle-aged. I run the production
department of a smaller press (maybe 40 titles a year). I
play tuba now, although I played bass trombone in school and
doubled on tuba, but I gave up trombone years ago.

I've lived in the South all my life, although my parents
were yankees. I think that, along with growing up gay, has
made me somewhat rootless. I always felt an outsider with
"true" southerners; always felt an outsider with yankee kin;
always felt outside of the straight world; always felt
outside of any religious world.

That's probably why the people in my life are such an
eclectic bunch. Mostly, my friends don't know each other or
know each other through me.

What's on for today? Some housework, reading, goofing off,
sleeping, a walk. Not too exciting. I may go out tonight,
but it's iffy, as I'm a little overweight and feel insecure
about it. I'd picked up maybe 15 pounds in the past two
months, not so much from overeating as from having a bad
back that's made me sit around a lot, and made me lazy about
cooking good food, when it's easier, when in pain, to do the
drive thru thing. It takes a lot more effort to go to the
grocery store and then stand around in the kitchen. But the
back is better, luckily. So I got no excuse.

I'm going to practice a little this morning, then I'm off to
the store.

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