Life on the other side
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2002-01-11 03:52:35 (UTC)

New feelings in sobriety

Today started off like any other day. i woke up at 6:30(or
my alarm went off then) Got ready and went to work. Work
was pretty good for awhile. Then this lady refused to sign
the claim form, to pay for the work. She claimed it was
not done well.(I have never had a complaint before) She
made a big deal about it and got very snooty. i wanted to
tell her off and punch her. But i didn't, because i am
suppose to not use "old behavior" I really miss my "old
behavior" i do not want to have to be nice. i want people
to fear and respect me. When i enter the room i want
everyone to know who i am.(I was the Coke man)
Anyway I got thru it and went on to my outpatient
group. There i felt much safer. I was around Butch and my
other group members. One of our members was having
suicidal problems.(We'll call him coach) He was talkng
about how he has no hope for the future and welcomes
death. At first i was bored and not paying attention.(But
my HP works in mysterious ways) I really started to
empathize with him. i too have been having the same kinds
of thoughts.(I just don't have the balls to say it) i
respect coach trmendiously for doing that. I have wanted
to talk to Butch, my one and only confidant, but i don't
know how to bring it up. Usually just hanging with him
helps me to forget about those thoughts. They are not
constant, but they still afect me alot. It is just
something i will have to work through. i know it will soon
go away.
So now i must go to slumberland. tommorrow i will go to
work. maybe see Butch tommorrow night. Later i will write
and make another entry in the life of a man named bubba