ViOLeNtLy STaTeD

If I Told U, Would U Hate Me
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2002-01-11 02:56:06 (UTC)

I'm In The Market For A Somebody...

Yea I guess the title has a lot to do with it...I have
someone in mind about who i would really like to be close
to here and i talked to my brother about it as well...he
said it would be fine and that it would probably be better
for me to have someone that i could be close to here
because i am always in need of a hug no matter good day or
bad...see i really want to be close to this person i have
in mind...i think it could happen and i think it will
happen...but i have this feeling og guilt pacing on my
shoulders for it and its pacing for one reason and one
reason only...i feel like i'm trying to replace my brother
because I miss him...I don't have him down the street or
around the corner anymore...I don't have Ray here to hold
my hand either...my dream was all good but still I DON'T
WANT TO REPLACE MY BROTHER!!!!!!!
This person...you know who you are...not saying names for
privacy reasons...hey dont get mad its my decision its my
diary...anyways don't mind me I'm very hostile right
now...I really hope Ray comes to me tonight again and lets
me know what to do in this situation or atleast have a
connected dream with my brother...you know that actually
has happened before...it's amazing what happens when you're
that close with someone...the relationship just gets better
and better...anyways though...I really miss my brother a
lot and i mean a lot...i don't think i've ever been this
far from him except Cali but even then I could call him
everyday and talk to him for however long as I wanted
to...you all know my situation here...plus I'm broke so
it's not like I can buy a phone card...I'm saving up to buy
that bear at Walgreens I want...It seriously is the most
beautiful bear I've ever seen but it's also a Valentine's
Day bear and well it wouldn't be right if I bought myself a
Valentine's Day bear even though I'm not looking for so
much as a "Valentine" right now just more of like someone
that can just give me a hug and hold me there for a few
moments...i haven't been held in so long...I haven't
technically been in a relationship in so long but that's
also not what I'm looking for...I'm in the market for a
somebody...a somebody to be my bestest friend and the
person i have in mind i hope you're willing to put up with
me...it's a long road and I have a lot to say...let me know
everyone else I'll talk to u in the morning okay im out
-Dee


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