The Real Deal

2002-01-11 00:34:30 (UTC)


Lately I've been blank... just plain blank... :P No
emotions showing... especially not towards my ex.

I was hanging out with my close friend Alex, who I don't
have feelings for... *long story* which I will tell later
on on this journal. But I was hanging out with Alex during
class and just bugging Alex and I take a glimpse of my ex
and he did a face at me. It was his jealous face. I didn't
like it... because now he thinks I was trying to make him
jealous which is SO not true. I don't reallie give a damn
about it anymore, because I have NO emotion towards
ANYONE.. my feelings for my ex is now BLANK... I dunno how
I feel. I just feel reallie blank and I hope he understands
that I'm not trying to make him jealous. I just want to
have my friends like he has his!

I honestly don't have any emotions toward anyone! I just
want to live my life. Is that too hard to ask for?

If my ex asked me back, I would of course take that
opportunity in an instant... but it's not gonna happen...
so I'm just gonna live life like I should...

Okie... Alex and I have been best friends since sophomore
year and we tell each other EVERYTHING. I told him before
we became best friends that I want a best friend who'll
never fall for me and I'll never fall for him... and we
became best friends because he agreed with me. So then
junior year happens and I meet my ex. My ex and Alex are
friends and Cmy ex and I get together. Alex doesn't mind,
because my ex and I onlee lasted a week and then Alex was
fine with it. Then my ex and I got back together and Alex
just started getting depressed and angry. He would punch
things and hold tantrums. I didn't know what was wrong and
I found out... Alex told me he had feelings for me and that
we can no longer be friends since it hurts him seeing me
with another guy. I told him I'll dump my ex and was about
to, but Alex told me he'd hate me more. So yeah... our
friendship ended... and it is slowly rebuilding since me
and my ex have broken up. We are becoming closer friends
again and I'm happie. He was my best friend and I reallie
want to continue that.

My ex... he means a lot to me, but I just feel blank about
how I feel. It's like... I dunno anything and I feel
clueless... but I just gotta live my life. :)