2002-01-10 21:22:39 (UTC)

xmas break

Misty is in my bathroom doing her hair and make-up before
we go get supper at Moe's tonight, but I'll write what I
can while she does that.

I got to Middleton on the 18th of December and stayed until
the 22nd. Ian never showed up for some reason and Misty
and I slept together each night except for the last night,
but neither of us actually slept that night and she
actually came out in the morning and apologized for not
staying out with me which I thought was really a sweet
gesture and unexpected. I left on the 22nd and got to
Antigonish by 4am, but couldn't call or leave word for her
that I got here ok (she just got out of the bathroom so I
got to go really soon, more on all of this later). She was
really mad at me for that. Racheal Fernsworth had a baby
girl on December 30th at 3:48 pm at 7pounds, 6.8 ounces,
21" long, named Korynn Josie Grace Fernsworth - the fathee
is George who took off to Alberta in August and is now
rumored to be in Mexico with no real concern for the birth
of his new daughter. Misty-Lee's father died January 5th,
2002, from a ruptured brian artery due to a worsoning blood
clot that caused an anuirism and triggereda third degree
stroke - it was unrelated to the cancer he had recently
been diagnosed with. Misty's mother now hates me also and
seems to suddenly in light of that been encouraging Ian to
try and get back with Misty, which doesn't hurt me like the
intention seems designed to - but the intention does. It's
like this:

William moves into household;

Mike gets Misty pregnant;

Misty has baby;

Mike cheats on Misty with William;

William hits Misty;

Misty's father has wanted him out ever since

Misty left home largely due to the fact that she could not
live there with William there and her father wanted to get
William out and help Misty too, but Barb could not be
convinced to get him out;

Everyone but Misty was not willing to actually do anything
about it so she moved out on her own (yes, I undestand that
there were other reasons also);

Misty and I discover each others feelings;

I discover about the rest mentioned above and can not look
at Wiliam without picturing him hitting Misty which in a
way reminds me of how my father used to abuse my mother and
I, but I haven't damaged William in the way he deserves
because Misty asked me not to - yet;

Misty goes to Dungeons and Dragons and has decided to break
up with Ian;

I am waiting at her mothers house because there is a phone
in case she needs to get a hold of me;

William gets on the phone for a few hours and is asked
repeatedly if he could leave the line free as a potentially
very important call could be coming through anyttime
between then and midnight;

William indicates that his call is not important and thathe
will get off in a second, but continues chatting for two
more hours straight;

Myself, Roach and Krista are hanging out at the computer
and Ron is reading at the table when Krista falls in ythe
kitchen so I unplug the phone - Krista is only to happy to
play along with the story that she pulled it out by
accident when she fell;

William comes out and I tell him we STILL need the line
free and point out that we've been waiting for it to be
free for hours and I ask again if his call can wait - he
says it can wait and gets right back on the phone;

I erase his files in front of Krista and Ron and Roach, Ron
says he wished he could get rid of WILLIAM that easily and
Krista reminds me to empty the recycle bin;

Ron dies two days later;

I take the family to Halifax and we find out that he will
not make it when we het there;

I have car problems and have to wait a day to borrow $400
from Visa. Barb asks if I think I might need money for
repairs or gas, I say not to worry about it - she does not
say thanks for anything - just ok good. Strong emotions do
not always result in great judgement though so whatever it
is not important;

I get a call from Barb when she finds Williams stuff is
missing and accuses me of sneaking in and doing it behind
everyones back, that I had no right to be there in the
first place and that I don't belong here in the first
place, villianizes me to everyone else she is talking to,
and I get dirty looks from all the relatives through the
funeral and wake (with rare exception). Next time she
calls it is to talk to Misty about Ian and suddenly Ian is
always around (he was famous for never having anytthing to
do with the family - nice change of heart and at a good
time, I just wish I could believe he had thought of it

I knew Ron really well and do not feel guilty for sticking
up for myself over this or for standing up now ajnd then
over aspects of the service and wake that Ron would have
wanted or not wanted. I don't feel I violated any rights
by erasing anything with the consent and witness of half
the family and find it insulting that Ron's opinion that
day is sometimes said to not have counted. I am not going
to apologize for being the only one to do something back to
an instigator in the name of concern for Misty. I did it,
and I did it to keep me from breaking a promise because gos
knows I wanted to do a lot more. I don't know if barb
really lost anything or not because it seems like a guilt
trip only because she claimed to have had no where else to
put her stuff which on a computer is an impossible claim,
especially with 15GB of free space and a constant ability
to make as many directory's and folders as you want to,
wherever you want to. I didn't know Ron as long or as
well, but I knew him longer than I knew my own father and
knew him better too. I never got to see the bad turns of
his temper or memory loss, but when I did see him he still
seemed quite himself - he was stable at those times so
maybe in that I was lucky. We talked a lot in his last few
days and I can honestly say that though I didn't know all
his stories and all his happiness, I understood the things
that hurt him - medical aspects maybe not, but the ones
that came up in our talks those days. I hope he rests in
peace, and I hope Barb gets over her new found hate for
me. But most of all, I hope Misty will pull through this
and find happiness where ever she decides to find it. She
will make her father proud.

Ron was what we should have all been thinking about this
week. Now it is time to mourn and heal each other as best
we can - not excercise our hurt by taking it out on others,
which is what I feel Misty's mom has done to me - but I am
not mad. If I understand things correctly then it is easy
to forgive. Strong emotions... I hope we can adapt
somehow and figure the rest out for the future... It hurts
so much to feel so helpless in hhelping someone you love so
much go through so much hurt - but I'm here and I will do
whatever I can.