Squirrel Heaven
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2002-01-10 19:31:51 (UTC)

Alergies Suck

So today I got to come home early from school because my
Alergies were just driving me crazy...

I haven't written in a while because nothing really special
has happened....

I still miss Josh. I wonder what he is doing...I wonder if
he ever thinks of me...Like...Sometimes I will just be
walking...and he pops into my mind...And I wonder what he
is doing at that very moment. Its 7:30 pm where he lives
right now...He is probably at a party...getting drunk...and
not thinking of me. I bet I hardly ever cross his mind. I
bet if he heard my voice right now, he wouldnt even
recognize it...

Lately, after the break up, I have been very bitchy. I act
like a divorced 40 year old woman. I hate men. I hate them.
Every time I see a guy with a girl I just wanna run up and
slap him 'cause I bet he is gonna sleep with her tonight,
and then leave her in a week. I hate people in love...Like
my friend Tiffanie...deep down..I think I might just be
jealous of the fact that she can have someone fall
so "deeply in love" with her. No one has ever felt that way
about me. Sometimes I even question how much Josh cared for
me, truthfully. I know, at least one day, one minute, one
moment...he loved me. I dont think he ever loved me very
much...in a few months...I will be acient history, and the
word "Jasmine" will just be an average garden flower again.

God. I wish I could just fly away. Leave my mom and all my
problems behind and just leave. Go somewhere, where
absolutely no one knows my name and start from scratch. And
then, part of me wishes I was never born. I don't think my
life has made any type of difference to anyone. Maybe my
mother. Thats it. People would go on just fine without me.
But Im such a pain whimp, and Im so afraid of hell...Im
afraid to comit suicide. *sigh*

Oh well...The days will keep coming...

Jasmine Nicole