Godslave

A Deeper Kind of Slumber
2002-01-10 16:40:26 (UTC)

Purgatory...!

alright
for the first little while here this diary will be somewhat
of a confessional for me... and as I purge my sins I'll
start with the more daily feeling sort of job there. I
can't keep track of these things much(diaries), but I will
try this time, as I think it might, perhaps be helpful.


First Issue on my mind.

Well. I had a dilema recently.. moral conflict i should
say, because I wanted to date an older brother's best
friend. I was a little worried about my brother disowning
me, but I figured if we actually cared about eachother he
couldnt do anything about it but be disgusted with me. hah

so where/when did it all start?

My Brother, Stephen, who is 22 years of age, joined the
Navy about a year and a half ago. He'd always been the
sibling I just couldn't relate to because our tempers were
so similiar and our opinions so different. He is an
outgoing, at times disgustingly humerous, and attractive
person. The only problem is that, to me, he epitomizes
everything that is wrong with the opposite gender. He
drinks a lot, he's rather shallow/judgemental, close-
minded, and self-centered among other things... but he gets
my goat, to say the least.

He always had friends around a lot before he left for
bootcamp, mostly guys just like him, looking for the next
little tight-bodied hottie to cross their path so they
could get them drunk and have sex. -shrugs- thats just how
it was. And I thought his best friend Chris(24) to just be
another one of 'them'and never reguarded him with anything
more than passing politeness, though he always seemed to be
around. I must admit, since I'm confessing here, that I had
sometimes found him attractive and wished he would prove me
wrong about his character.

After bootcamp was over and my brother had been away from
home over 3 months he came home for about a week on leave.
This , of course, meant that my father, Steve, and Chris
would have to congregate at our house and get drunk and
play dice that night to celebrate. (as is our custom, my
mother and I playing as well but she drinking iced tea, and
I whatever fruit juice was available,.. i think it was
Apple Cider.. Irrelevent!!) Anyway. I sat across from Chris
at the end of the table, a slight measure of privacy
between us and the rest of the table (mother sat at the
head, steve to her right and father to her left, I on my
father's side(if you can picture?)). anyway.

It all started when I accidentally bumped his foot while
stretching, to which he responded by looking directly at me
and smiling. I blushed a little and said 'éxcuse me'. Then
retracted my feet and sat up more, trying to pay attention
to the game, but he just kept glancing at me every few
seconds and smiling. A little bit later I felt his shoe
trail up the inside of my calf slowly, intentionally. I
shot him a confused glance, blushed again and tried to
ignore it. I was rather surprised but very thankful for the
attention. after a while a full-blown game of footsies
insued. -snickers- no one else at the table noticed,
though the two of us grinned at eachother now and again.

I think the whole attraction in the beginning was curiosity
and danger. such a daring move in rather close proximity to
three people who would've adamently disapproved, even
though it was hardly anything.

We all got up for some reason or another which I can't
remember and went into the living room to chat for a while
before they (chris and steve) went out to the bar for
some 'frolicking'. Chris sat in a chair across the room
diagonally from me and wouldnt stop staring at me. He'd
become rather quiet. After a while I got a little flustered
and retired to my room (upstairs) while they went out then.

It was around midnight when they returned, my brother
plastered as always, and chris, amazingly, rather sober.
Stephen crashed on the couch, Chris made his way up to the
guest room (adjacent to mine) and knocked on my door as he
passed through in the hall. curiosity getting the best of
me, I opened my door to find no one there, then walked past
his open door when I heard his voice say "Come in a sec.? I
want to talk to you"

There was no light on in the room, so all I could make out
was his white t-shirt and highlights of his face. "close
the door please..." he said quietly as I entered.

and the rest... if you're still interrested, I will tell
tomorrow or later today as this entry is getting waaaay too
long ^-^