Sodapop

Pardon me while I burst into Flames
2002-01-10 04:25:27 (UTC)

Love...what a sick, sick joke

"I dont want to talk to u anymore, I'm afraid of what I
might say. I bite my tongue everytime u come
around.."~Incubus. Yes Josh, this is what I'm thinking when
I write this and see ur screen name on my buddylist. U are
my guilty pleasure. I dont want to have anything to do with
u ever again, but i want to spend eternity with u. U are a
bastard, but I love u anyway. Ok I just IMed uandim scared
because i dont want u to hate me but i hate u right back so
i dont care...but i dont hate u and....UR NOT SAYIN...oh ok
u said something."Im sorry about yesterday" i say, even
though i posted half of our convo on this site for the
world to see. ur saying something..."about what" DAMMIT HE
CAUHT ME. i dont know what i did wrong i just said that to
say something. i hate u josh. "For, um, telling u that
stuff" i say. God im stupid. why did i say that? "I wanted
u to, remember?" he says. well at least u take
responsibility for ur actions u....u...lovely bastard! and
like a fool i respond with "oh yeah..." In a sad and
pathetic attempt to continue having a conversation with the
love of my life i say "so.." Of course he says "so what" im
stuck. NOW WHAT? "so, did u think about anything i said?"
which is a calm way of saying "DO U LOVE ME?!?!??!!" and ur
not saying anything and im scared! please say
something...wait no! dont say anything if it has anything
to do with u NOT loving me.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ouch. omigod. i cant believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I wish u didnt love me"
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!! He just ripped my heart out
of my chest and thew it against the wall, where it slipped
down into the trash can, saying "well i guess u wont need
that anymore!" BUT, and theres a but, not that it makes my
life worth living, he said "but i think its my fault for
not being straightforward with u" Oh lord. tears streaming.
pain. shooting stabbing pains. i think everything i ever
believed in came crashing down and shattered into millions
of pieces. Life, love, fate, god,love, love, and most
importantly, love. Love...what a sick, sick joke.




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