~In My Life..
2002-01-10 01:53:06 (UTC)

Just another day...

Currently listening to: Unloco- Face Down (I'm addicted..)
& Billy Idol- Dancing With Myself

"With the record selection, with the mirror reflection
I'll be dancing with myself.."

Maybe the family tension will make the transition to
college easier. While I'm truly anticipating college, I am
scared to go, because I'm sad about leaving Micheal. What
if we lose our bond? I love him more then anyone else in
this world. And the rest of my family, too. I hate change,
I'm awful at it, so I'll miss the regularity of being at
home. And Anthony. God, I'm scared silly that things will
change for us. I know the right thing is to do what we
want, go where we want, live our own lives.. but it's
scary, losing a big part of you. I'm not naive about this;
I expect troubles, but I want, for myself, to make it.I am
in no way the kind of girl that will risk her dreams to go
where her boyfriend is going, NOT AT ALL. But what I really
want to do is love him, and then love him for the rest of
my life. When we first started dating, he was my first
everything: relationship, etc. Over the summer, I had guys
wanting to be with me, for the first time in my life, and
loved it. Admittingly (sp?) I did it right back to them
too. But after the breakup (& the mistake with Josh) I
realized I didn't want any of these potentials, I needed
him. And since then, I honestly have no want to imagine
being with anyone else. He's all there is. I'm hoping that
will carry for a long time, because I believe I've matured
in the relationshio department. I truly hope so.
Well..the following is a writing assignment I had to do for
Creative Writing. You know who it's about..while it is
corny, it isn't in my way, because I actually got my fears
out in this, my feelings and my need for steadiness.

If (most likely be re-titled)

If I let my guard down, would you run?
And if I struck out in life, would you still feel as if
you'd won?

If I started to dance away, would you let me go?
And if I turned to you in confidence, would you even want
to know?

If I hung my head in shame, would you still want to know me?
And if I lost my sparkle for one moment, would I still be
the one you see?

If I held your hand, would you hold me for as long as you
And if I took a risk in the name of dreaming, would you
still be my biggest fan?

If you faltered, lost, danced, needed, cried, fell,
touched, and dreamed, I'd keep you for as long as I could.

Tell me you would.


I'm debating whether to give this to him for our