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2002-01-09 23:55:52 (UTC)

i was bulimic..

Last year from like January to March, I starting purposely
throwing up my food...i was in the 'popular' group...and
all the other girls were skinny...they weighed like 130 and
less...i of course was like 140. i'm 150 now...but
yeah...i wanted to lose weight, and be like them (yes i
know, that's wrong..)...
and sometimes i think of doing it again. i hated it
because it was so gross just always throwing up my food
like that...but i mean i lost some weight...not 10 pounds
like i wanted but you know...yeah and this past year i grew
more, and with basketball i've gained 10 pounds from
lifting, and all of that stuff...i still with i was 130.
yeah right, me losing 20 pounds...i wish...but i'm
desperate..i'm thinking of going back to last year. it
wasn't bad, and no one even found out. my parents were
totally clueless...but what about anorexia..? yeah i know
that's bad...i dunno how i could NOT eat...today at lunch i
had such a bad craving for a candy bar but i told my self
no, that's something to be proud of..how many grams of fat
did that save myself?? enough...but yeah i feel so
confused, because i feel like i'll do absolutely anything
to lose 20 pounds...including what i did last year...but i
don't want to be able to like..not control it. i need
help...i wanna lose this weight SOO bad..and no i'm not
already skinny...but i'm not really over weight....i'm a
little over average but i don't like it like that...
i wish soemone could help...

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