Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers
2002-01-09 22:14:38 (UTC)

I have a new idea. What if I..

I have a new idea. What if I think of this thing with
William as just something to satisfy he sexually until I
get thin. I mean I am feeling pretty nervous right now.
He is coming over tonight around seven. It's too bad that
I can't lose 20 pound really quickly before he gets here.
Oh well, he said he wanted this....or actually I said that
I wouldn't mind repeating what happened.....but if he
thought that I was as duscusting as I do then he could
have made up some excuse about Mary. I need to take a
bath before he gets here so that I am all shaved. I have
lost 3 pound though.....I think....I mean I fit into these
pants that I haven't been able to wear for a
while......ok, I know that they were a bit tight....but at
least I could button them. I don't know what I am going
to wear tomarrow though. I'll think about that later.
Anyway back to William. I know that he is only using me
for sex....well what will eventually be sex.....but I
guess I am doing the same thing. I mean yes I am
attracted to him but I just don't think it would work
between us.....nor do I want to find out because I am
almost positive that it would end in a sad
rejection....and then where would I be.....masterbating
again? I really don't see why that is so forbidden for
girls to do.....and I am sure that more girls do it than
people would think.....I know that Stephanie does......and
Lauren....well she has Chris she doesn't need to do
anything. Ummmmm....so anyway, I am going to stay on this
diet! I don't care how much it hurts! I am going to do
it! I want to be thin when summer gets around! I have
been averaging about 250 calories a day.....today is day
three....if I can get through a week then I think I will
be ok..... Right now my body is just not used to this and
I found myself almost diving into a box if nutter butters
but that will not happen! I will not let myself! NO NO
NO! U am going to stay on this! So anyway my mom should
be in town as of now but I haven't talked to her yet. I
think she went to the office. Anyway I need to take a
bath and then draw that thing for art class.....and then
wait for William.....shit you fat bitch! Well I am going
to get you back into shape and you can just deal with
it!.......fucking fat ass!