a freak with a heart
2002-01-09 21:40:08 (UTC)

so confused

Dear Diary,

what could be worse then being in a mental
depression?......well try being in a mental depression,
missing your boyfriend who is over 600 miles away, and
having him tell you that he misses you so much that he
falls asleep everynight with a picture of you in his arms
and tears in his eyes......what would you do?
i want to be able to comfurt him and tell him how much i
love him and miss him. i want to hold him in my arms and
see the pain in his heart and take it away. but how am i to
do that if i can't even save myself from this pain....i
could tell him how i feel and write him a long love letter
to make him smile, and i know it would unless it would make
him cry. but i can't.....how can you write a love letter
when all you feel is hate and sadness.
i guess this is were love over powers all..... i have to
put my own sadness and depression aside to save the one i
love from joining my here in this horrible state of mind.
my love for him over powers my own feeling and my own state
of sadness.
am i doing the right thing.... is telling him that im ok
right now the right thing to do, because i know that half
of the reason he is on his way to depression is because im
stuck in the state of mind and i can't be happy. so if i
can't be happy he doesn't let himself be happy. so would it
be right of me to tell him that im ok just to make him feel
better or should i tell him the truth that im not ok and
that i need him so bad that i constintly have tears rolling
down my cheek. i know it wouldn't make anything better if i
told him how i feel. but it would if i lyed to him, but i
can't do that i have never lyed to him before and i don't
know what to do. if i were to lie to him it would be for
his own good, right? or in the end would that end up
hurting him even more?
i don't know what to do. i need your advice.... please if
you read this and you think you might have an idea as to
what i should do please leave me an email at
[email protected]. thank you