still single

sick of all the sh*t
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2001-04-12 20:24:37 (UTC)

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So I ran out of room there and didn't even realize I had
typed so much...well I have to remember that my ex was
super controlling and wouldn't hardly let me leave the
house without threatening to kill himself(tried 2x, once
just because I wanted to go with a friend to the beach)But
then I think: I'm not all that mentally sound myself with
my problems...what if I have some deadly disease and now
I'm gonna die all alone...I want desperately to find a
significant other and have a great relationship...I don't
expect it to be perfect but I'm so tired of being alone and
dating guys who are players...I hate being alone...My mom
tries to talk toi me and I'm such a bitch to her and I
can't help it..today she said to me"I know you hate me so
I'll let you go" I was talking to her on the phone....she
had called me to vent about something that was bothering
her and I just don't need the negativity right now..I feel
shitty enough...well I just really didn't pay attention as
usual and told her I had to go ..was tired and wanted to
nap...which was true but I still can't sleep even though
I'm seeing patterned air from the meager 2 hours sleep I
got last night.Okay I'm totally babbling...I want to take
my dog to the beach but it's windy and I have to wear my
damn wig and it's such a pain in my ass. itchy and blows in
my face...to think that 2 weeks ago my hair was fine and
I've already managed to make myself hideous again...Well
I'm at least trying to quuit smoking and lose weight.Only
had a diet shalke today and no cigarettes...probably not
good to do both at the same time but I feel like shit when
I smoke now and it tastes shitty too with my ears and
glands aching..I sound like a whiner I'm sure...so far the
only upside of today was comin home to my ecstatic dog..


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