still single

sick of all the sh*t
2001-04-12 20:16:15 (UTC)

same shit ,different day

So I just got back this morning from my trip to Disneyland
which was a stress reliever/anti-depressant while I was
gone but now that I'm back it's the same shit.I hardly
pulled my hair at all while I was gone but as soon as I got
home this morning I started yanking away and then cutting
it...I look like a fraggle caught in a
lovely.So my niece and nephew's mom was hoping her husband
would call the whole time we were there and I was hoping
Jason would call but who the hell am I kidding...Neither of
us heard word from them..her and here husband are separated
and she wants him to move back home but he's too busy
partying and taking "E".I don't know why but I could never
get into that drug..It's just not fun for me..Maybe I just
haven't been in the right environment...Anyway if anything
I need to start doing meth again so I can lose
weight...that, or get off my ass and start working out
sometime n my day of working many hours and stressing like
you wouldn't believe...Another glands have been
swollen for about 6 months and my ears hurt but I've been
to the doctor and he prescribes me Antibiotics and I take
it all and still feel like shit...probably have some
incurable disease or some shit...I don't even want to
know...All I know is that my head feels like it's gonna
explode and I feel fat, depressed and tired. I had insomnia
last night at the hotel so I feel extra disoriented today.
It was soo nice not to wear myt wig for the last couple days
(just wore a bandana and looked like crap but no one knew
me there so it was cool) I want to kick myself for
breaking up with my ex but at the time I felt there was no
other option..I felt like I shouldn't settle and was
looking good, hair was better, weight was lower, but now I
wish I wouldv'e taken him back when I had the chance...