Meshed Up
2002-01-09 14:08:39 (UTC)

The Man, The Love, The Women

I was reading through different journals today. Couldn't
help but notice that most of the entries were about
romance..and love. Romance and love and romance and love.
Made me think about the man i

i can't get enough of him. it's strange...we're not in a
relationship anymore, but we're somehow still together.
we've been best friends for 2 years, then we got together.
we had a relationship for a year and nine months...then we
broke up. we broke up last august...but we still
talk...still in good terms. he still waits for me in
icq, still sends me sms...we still kiss, still hug, and
still express how much we love each other. why did we break
up?...i suppose it's all my fault. i wanted freedom, i
wanted my space...and when i went to melbourne, i found it.
my freedom and my space cost me the most wonderful
relationship i have ever had with a man.

i must be boring those who are reading this right now...but
i don't know. i just feel like writing about him...about
me...about us.

a part of me knows that he is the one for me. he has never
stopped loving me. even after all i've done to him, even
after all we've been through, he still loves me. he has
never stopped loving me. and i have never stopped loving
him. he accepts me for who and what i am. he accepts my
shortcomings, my flaws, my everything. and isn't that what
love is supposed to be? the acceptance of a person in spite
of all the shortcomings and flaws?

i miss him. he's in iloilo right now with a friend of his.
he's coming back on friday...and i can't wait to be able to
talk to him again. i know i know, what is 3 days compared to
the 5 months that we've been separated? i don't
know..perhaps it's just the idea that the trip to iloilo is
unnecessary. if his friend didn't offer to pay for the plane
ticket and the accomodations, i don't think he would agree
to go.

sigh... today is the 9th of january. 17 days to go and i'll
be flying back to melbourne. i dread that day. i
dread it simply because i will be leaving him behind once
again...and i don't want to leave him. i want to be with him
always. forever. i'm going to marry him. and he's going to
marry me.

it's just the way he is. none of the guys i've met are like
him. he is basketball and love song, jokes and romance. he's
true and honest. he's not a hypocrite, nor is he
materialistic. he's funny, he's serious, he's quiet, he's
loud...he's opposites...and he's similiarities. he's
tactful, he's tall, he's broad and he's 25.

girls pounce on him like tigers on their prey. they confess
their undying love, their attraction, and their lust. but
he turns them away. he stops them.,.tells them he's not
interested...and avoids them like the plague. does it sound
like bullshit? no it's not. he's a very bad liar...he used
to lie to me every once in a while when we were still
friends. but now he doesn't..cuz i always catch him in his
lies...that's why i believe him when he tells me things.
he's very true to me.

his ex wants to have a baby with him. his ex is married to a
man she doesn't love. she married him because he impregnated
her...but he beats her up. he's obsessed with her and he
knows that she is still in love with nelson. he threatens to
kill her if she leaves him. he's a psycho. and she's an

strangely i dont' feel sorry for her. i just think she's
an idiot for jumping into things without thinking of the
consequences. i dislike her for wanting to have a baby with
nelson. i dislike her for crying out nelson's name while her
husband fucked her. and i dislike her for still loving
nelson. but then how can i blame her? almost every girl who
comes along nelson's path falls in love with him. and they
fall hard and deep ..

i can name all the girls here. girls who came in and
attempted to ruin our relationship. but i won't disclose the
names of the girls... perhaps i'll just give the initials as
i feel the need to pour out my anger and hurt on this

V- for leaving your bra and panties in his bathroom so that
his older sister would find them and for trying to seduce

A- for telling him about your sexual dream with him
(complete with sound effects and moaning!).

another A - for wanting to have a baby with him. for
claiming that you still love him even after you slept with
your husband.

S- for still sending sms's to him, telling him that you
still love him, that you never stopped loving him even
after the ten years that have passed. you already have two
babies for crying out loud.

another S- for proposing a relationship with him. and you
proposed not just once, but twice! and also for trying to
get him to work in your god-forsaken country.

J - for kissing him when he was sleeping at a friend's
place, for asking a friend to "build you up" so that he'll
like you, and for trying to get him to drink something so
that he'll sleep with you.

R- for being "sweet" with him when in reality, you're
nothing but a bitch. for saying that you knew our
relationship wasn't going to last, for telling him you have
cute nipples, for kissing him on the neck.

N- for telling me that our relationship wasn't going to
last. for asking him to feel your butt and your boobs, for
hogging him even when i'm around, for showing him your
underwear and for saying that you want to play "basketball"
with him in your bedroom so that you guys could "shoot

and that's it people. the women. the bitches. feels nice to let go of some of the anger that i
have kept bottled up inside me. these, so far, are the girls
who have intervened. i don't know how many more of them are
coming...and i fear that when i go to melbourne, he'll look
for another woman to fill the empty space in his heart. he
has held out for 5 months. i don't know if he can hold out
for 6 and half years. but a part of me believes that
he will and that soon, he will be in melbourne with me. and
we're going to marry each other..and we're going to have a
baby boy ... and nothing and no one will ever be able to
keep us apart.

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